VØÐĶĀ ĊĦÅĪ ©

Project Aaharam

2009-09-01T22:10:00.000+05:30

If you are fat.

If you want a good anatomy

If you want to lead a simple yet effective life

If you want the most out of life

http://projectaaharam.blogspot.com/

Check it out TODAY!

Regards

Aparajith Raman

THE BLOGGER HAS MOVED

2008-11-29T12:24:00.001+05:30

THE AUTHOR HAS SHIFTED HIS MIND TO A MORE SERIOUS BLOG

www.pickwikipapers.blogspot.com

if you must

Cheers

A.M.R.

The Best Of VØÐĶĀ ĊĦÅĪ ©

2008-08-15T07:01:00.003+05:30

The Bartender Of VØÐĶĀ ĊĦÅĪ ©, Aparajith Raman dedicates this post to all the regulars
and the vetrans. A special dedication to Sam. A person who put me in place by showing me that
I wasn't the only person who knew how to live life ;-) .
If you have been with VØÐĶĀ ĊĦÅĪ © till the end . Cheers.

This is the best of VØÐĶĀ ĊĦÅĪ ©
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Boulder &

HOW DIFFERENT COUNTRIES WILL DEAL WITH A BIG BOULDER

CHINA : HAVE 1000 MEN STUDY THE LENGTH AND ANOTHER 1000, THE BREADTH
AND YET ANOTHER 1K THE RADIUS AND THEN CLAIM TO HAVE ABOLISHED UNEMPLOYMENT AND PUT THE PERSON WHO GOES AGAINST THIS IN PRISON

THE SWISS : CRACK THE STONE INTO SEVERAL PIECES AND TAKE THE CIRCULAR
ONES AND MAKE A WATCH OUT OF IT THEN BRAND IT '' MADE OF RARE STONES''

SINGAPORE : GIVE IT A 1/2 CHINESE 1/2 INDIAN NAME AND CALL IT A NEW
TOURIST ATTRACTION
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Books & Authors

Books written by Celebs.

1) Buck & The Bacardi-Salman Khan

2) Tallak Tallak Tallak , A Past-time - Salman Rushdie

3) Self Medication- Mohammed Asif & Shoaib Akthar
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The Chronicles Of BULBINDER SINGH

INTRO: A long & broad atheist who has an orbit of stupidity around himself each day is very
much fun filled and better vis-à-vis the day before. Dont try and waste time in trying to find Bulbinder. We have done that job for you.

Bulbinder playing golf

Bulbinder was about to play golf for perhaps the first time in his life and his girl friend had the courage and time to watch her man play the gentleman's game.
Our man had the clubs and the bag he hired a golf cart to make life eaiser, so off he went to the sports shop to buy 2 balls . He brought them and drove to the golf course and took the golf balls and put them in the pant pocket. He went to Hole1 and his girl came to him pointed at his
and asked what it was."Golf balls" said Bulbinder. " oh! I'm sorry is it something like tennis
elbow? asked his girl!

Once bulbinderwas woken up late at night by a phone call. so he went down to take the call
and said
" hello"
"Hellow is this conemara double three double four double two double two"?
" Oh NO sir this is kaunemara 33442222"
"Sorry sir I disturbed you at late on night"
"No no its perfectly allright! I had to come down in any case the phone was ringing."
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Brand New Brand Ambassadors

1) Vijay Mallya- Public initiative to avoid drink and driving.

2) Karan Johar- Karan-Elton-Joy Productions

3) Salman Rushdie- Shaadi.com

4)Osama Bin Laden - Facebook.com
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Travel Log

Ever been to a place In India and did not know where exactly you were?.
Well say no more, read this to find out.

Chennai: A yellow-Black Roofed 3 Wheeler, piece of metal comes honking to you and it's owner says he can take you to your destination 1KM away for a price which is nearly 5% of Mali's ( A country in Africa) GDP You are in Chennai also known as MADRAS ( Because it is full of MAD Rascals)

Cochin : Go to the nearby hotel and order a fish dish and a Coconut dish if the fish dish smells
of coconut and the coconut dish smells of fish you are in god's own country's capital, Cochin.

Kolkata: You ask someone for directions and he is confused and says that The Left is Right and
The Left has not Left The Government and that is the Right thing to do. And other crazy stuff.
You are in Kolkata.
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Travel Log Part ll

Ever been to a place Outside India and did not know where exactly you were?. Well say no
more, read this to find out.

Paris: You want to ask someone where you are and he or she is busy
Kissing a person of the other sex and is sipping some Wine almost at once , You are in paris.

Stockholm: You want to ask some one where you are and he or she is
kissing someone of the same sex and when you figure out that this country
is very very liberal They give you the Nobel Prizes for Peace and the Nobel
Prize for Logic, you are in Stockholm.

Beijing : You go to ask some one where you are in the map and
this guy squeezes his eyes so-much-so that he still cant read the map, so
you ask every one on the road and find out that everyone suffers with the same
problem and to top it all, people who drive cars mistake platforms for roads and
walkers who think the wide road is ment for walking and people bump
into each other and cars crash every second, Cant you see! You are in Beijing.

Edinburgh : You ask a man for directions and he points to the left and says right.
And you figure out that you have to go straight to hit your destination, you are in Edinburgh.
( Too much Scotch gives you the kicks in the nicks ;-p )
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Kollywood- Simplified

Namitha:This name sends adrenaline down the spine of boys and the boys turn animals at
the sight of her. On screen she walks the ramp with what you can call a 'Handkerchief'.
If chemistry can ever exist on screen, she is a triple covalent bond. Her allotropes include
Mallika Sherawat , Rakhi Sawanth and Nayantara not to exclude Pam Anderson, Paris Hilton
and A. Jolie.
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Internship Ire

Ads found in the Newspapers for job seekers. Read on

Infosys:
Post: Head programmer
Job code : Flapdoodle
Minimum Qualification :Institute of Infinite Torture (IIT) : 9.9 gpa and above.
Info: No need for any programming knowledge as you wont be programming in any case.
Sound 'logical' brain required. Salary, a whopping 40k (tax will be taken away later). Salary,
Failing which to reach your hands will be given in the form of Infy shares which,
co-incidentally also fail.

Microsoft
Post: Erudite Coordinator
Job code:WTF?
Minimum Qualification:Biceps 45 cm (Triceps are an added advantage) . Good aiming skills
and if possible a decent knowledge on computers.
Info: Very responsible position and job requires you to travel a lot with a team of 50 people
and take incharge and attack any thing with the name 'SUN MICROSYSTEMS' or
'OPENSOURCE' written on it. Salary: $20k excluding perks.

Wal-Mart Stores
Post: Head Sales
Job code: 1$
Minimum Qualifications: MBA in Wal-Martism
Info: Stand at the shop door and when customer askes the price of a product choose a number between 1 and 5 and just add the word '$'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does it stand for?

3 letter words, four letter words & 5 letter words. What do they mean?.
Do they tell you about the product?. Read on to find out........

IIT: Institute of Incessant Torture

IIM : Institute of Inexhaustible Meyhem

TCS: Total Confusion in our Servicing

Microsoft: Massive Intense CReation Of Stupid OFfice Tools

UB Group : Unlimited Booze Group.

Ford: Flanky Outrageous Road Demons

HSBC: Hi! Shall i Burn your Cash

Mumbai: Miserable & Useless Metro Besides Annoying Infringements
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GR8 Inventions

You have seen them, heard of them, Heck! you've even used them or even been it's parent.
Now read on about their OTHER USES

Facebook:
When 2 people are cast ashore a desolate island, they can use this to break ice and
become good friends. Applications like 'Poke' 'Fun Wall' 'Super wall' will keep them clocked
up.

Digital Camera:
This is for people who are on a non-serious relationship but still want to take photos of
themselves for the sake of 'Display pictures' and albums online. So once they break up, the
photos will be out of the memory.

Micro SD cards:
For people with 1 digi cam. but more than 1 relationship

BlackBerry Pearl:
To ensure that the holder is always close to work. How it works;
0-50 mts- Infrared
50-100 mts- Bluetooth
100-1000 mts- Wifi
1000-???? mts Quad band GSM capability

80GB Mp3 Players:
Ever wonderes what a guy who owns a 10000 Sqft apartment will do with that extra space
of 9999 Sqft? Buy this 80Gb Gizmo to find out

Amazon.com:
Fit for twins triplets and upwards
Order 1 book end up paying for 2 and buy 2 ( Tech. Snag)
Order 2 books end up paying for 3 and buy 3
but the best part is , if you dont order anything, you dont get any!
Typical Murphy's law's Personification.
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Quotes Misquoted

Real Quotes.....Real People........ Unreal situations

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."
Walt Disney
When asked what he felt about the film 'Love Actually'

"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he"
bounces when he hits the bottom.
General George S. Patton
When asked why he wore steel Undies { Underwear}

"War is not nice"
Laura Bush
On her Husband's pastime

"Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep
inside them -- a desire, a dream, a vision."
Muhammad Ali, American Boxer
On names he would give his new designer line of Undies.

"I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the
game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok."
Shaquille O'Neal
On asked to comment about the rumor that he had only 1 song by
Pink Floyd on his 80GB I-pod
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Theroux Strikes Back!

I had travelled a great distance, conquering all possible roads of India in order to do some Research!

Tamil Nadu:
This guy is supposed to come from the 'CULTURAL CAPITAL of the COUNTRY' Chennai but
he will speak all other languages, maybe even Haitian Creole but NEVER Tamil....
He will wear any type of cloth under the excuse of Fashion but never look at the traditional
'Veshti'

Madhya Pradesh:
This guy eats to his hearts content and then breaks wind at regular intervels and calls it the
'Bhopal Gas Tragedy' of 2007 he is unmistaken for a Madhya Pradeshi

Gujarat:
These people fuel the life of Deccan Air. They are all attached to their families which go all the way to a 45th cousin 50th removed. They
come to airports
5 hours before the landing of the flight, convert the air port into a
temporary railway station and bring approx 10ft Dhabas carrying food that will last till they
open their house again. Then again they
are the main reason why Deccan Air avoided to give Gourmet meals on air!

Uttar Pradesh:
A guy's hand is inside another guy's pant pocket ( rear) and when you call the Police he comes
and find out the guy is not a pick pocket but *ahem* rather inclined at 9 degrees. POOF!
he is from Uttar Pradesh
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To Sin Or Not To Sin?......That Is The Question

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Thou shall not pollute the Earth. Thou shall beware genetic manipulation. Modern times bring with them modern sins. So the Vatican has told the faithful
that they should be aware of "new" sins such as causing environmental blight.
The guidance came at the weekend when Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, the Vatican's number
two man in the sometimes murky area of sins and penance, spoke of modern evils.

So Folks!
If you are a Christian and:

1) If you drive a car or a bike or fly a plane or smoke a cigarette or use plastic bags
YOU ARE SINNING!
(1. Environmental pollution )

2) Start saving or start investing, be it in equities, Futures and Options or Bullion or
Real Estate
YOU ARE SINNING!
(2. Accumulating excessive wealth)

3)If you consume Red Bull
YOU ARE SINNING!
(Drug trafficking and consumption)

4) If you Tattoo your left arm or Pierce your right ear
YOU ARE SINNING!
(Morally debatable experiments)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pyaar,Amour,Liebe......love, An Insight

Mergers and Acquisitions are the same as dating.:
When a girl and a boy go out the boy mutually accepts to bear the loses only to hope that the
value of the merged company will make heads turn towards them and he can dominate a monopoly in the market called Society!

Confide to none.:
Rhinderpest,Forest fires,Concorde and:News,Gossip and Secrets in Women all have one
thing in common. They sure travel Fast!

Women are Diplomats.:
If you ditch a girl and date another girl, the latter will team up with your latest upgrade
and turn against you, despite the fact that both are rivals for your affection.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enchanting Erudition.Girls & Physics

Girls in Physics:

Newton's Shakilaws of motion!

1) A physical body will remain at rest, or continue to move at a constant velocity, unless an unbalanced net force acts upon it.

What it means;
During a date, the girl will sit still and continue to stare into the boy's eyes or remain talking to
him in a specific manner till her father or someone she knows shows up.

2) The net force on a body is equal to its mass multiplied by its acceleration.

What it means;
During physical flirting ( harmless hugging and the likes)
the pressure exerted by the girl is = her weight X its acceleration a.k.a LOVE shown to her.

3) For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

What it means;
When ever you become a little generous by giving her gifts worth something or you spend
more time with her, she thinks you are becoming a slight despo for her public show of affection
( harmless hugging again!) and she exploits you or in many cases starts to withdraw from you.
So when you go away from her mutually she will be confused and start to run after you. Boys!
note that point!.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WTF Is Globalization?

1) What is Globalization
It is a unit of measurement to find out how much USA has Infiltrated into your local area

2) What will happen
Oh! nothing much the first day you will find Gummi Bears in the local shop
Then Wal*Mart will start operations in your city slowly every street will have a Wal*mart
then all of a sudden when your country is @ the 'BOOM' stage USA will send troops to the
country The USA Infantry along with State-Of-The-Art Tanks will patrol the roads while your
sky is taken care of by MIG Fighters.

3) What are the Unit of measurements
i) Antonio R. Villaraigosa: This is when your neighbourhood has 'IMPORTED' Products from
USA

ii)Arnold Schwarzenegger: No this does not mean Destruction! This just tells you that your
area has 50 Walmart stores in a 3Km radius from your home

iii) Condoleezza Rice: Ok So the USA Embassy knows more about the country than the Government itself!

iv) George W. Bush: You find Members of the USA Army sipping coffee in the local tea-shop

v) Uncle Sam: Your Country has no leaders as all of them have been sent to the gallows,
courtesy Bush under the banner of Inhuman Act Committed by them. And now your country
is a proud Colony of :
The United States Of America.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6 Things I Tried To Do.......

My school is famous for it's kind hearted corporal punishments.So one day to test their
integrity towards discipline I took my phone and I forgot to put it on silent so during my
biology class when my teacher asked me what happens during adolescence my phone
answered by singing my ringtone 'ye mera dil pyaar ka dewaana' from Don.

There are only 2 ways to become famous,
a) Work hard
b) Strike Oil
I tried my hands on the latter everything went well till I struck the metro water line that
went underground! Now I am working hard to stop a 1000 BHP water fountain coming
from my backyard before George U U Boosh finds out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jobless Scientists!

Every dayI get the newspaper 'THE HINDU' and every day I read the last page 'Newscape'
and everyday I find some news about some bloke ( read scientist) who finds out:

Scientists now Invent 'Remote Control With A Wink!'. All your i-Pods and Go-gears can now
be controlled using your eyelids. Play song blink both eyes, FFW-> wink using the right eye
Go Backward <- batter the left eye. But be warned if you go on the road and you FFW ->
a song when a girl passes by you my dear friend are in trouble

Drinking Beer is better for the brain than wine,a study claims. So why then do people who are
slaushed on 10 'BOTTOM-LESS' GUINNESS go to their
neighbour's house and not theirs after ' The Party Of Booze ?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ways to become an INDIAN

Indian Traffic laws are from lala land. Red means GO & Green means Go faster
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
!0 Faqts I Bet You Did Not Know About India

Indian drivers are NOT DYSLEXIC. They know to sort out between LEFT & RIGHT.

We Invented Half the Junkfood Comin from the USA
Burger-Vada Pav
Pizza- Our Chapati with some +tions
scotch- Road side Tea
Cocaine- Opium
Jalapeño- South Indian Oorga ( Proun: Ooor Ga) aka Pickle

India is the highest Tax paying Country.Dont believe me? Look how rich our
Beaurocrats are.

William Shakespeare commited suicide in India, Bihar to be more precise. This was
after he asked a native how he could go to PATNA and the native replied in English....
Bihari English
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Callous Call Centers

Ever wondered what happens when you call a Celeb Call center?
Read on

# 1-800-havoc
Who: George U U Boosh
What: A kind of Demolition Company
Extension:
1- To talk to the Chief in the work place ( Iraq)
2- To report new found oil well ( C. Rice)
USP: Military trained professionals.
Pickuptime
1- 24 Hrs.
2- 0.00000001 Sec
Response to call in person- Under 24 hrs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The New Bugs

Few of us have Computers, some of us even have Internet but the best part is all of us have
THE BUG.

The Elton John Bug:
This bug is unique as it infects your comp in a peculiar way. You open a .ppt all other files with
THE SAME EXTENTION GETS TURNED ON!

The Pam Anderson Big.....Oops! Sorry I mean Bug ;-):
This bug is useful if you have Hypermetropia ( can see far things but not things near you)
This bug makes every thing in your comp look BIG. You name it.....Icons, words, letters, what
not! Boys I know what your thinking! dont upload a pic of small fish fingers and make it
look BIG

The New Bugs

2008-08-08T07:00:00.001+05:30

Few of us have Computers, some of us even have Internet but the best part is all of us have
THE BUG.

A good friend of mine said, and I quote:
"I asked my comp guy to install all the anti-virus software in the world"
I asked him why?
"There wont be any space in my comp for a virus to penetrate the comp"
Now that guy is in the Comp Sci group in the same school I am in where I do Commerce
====================================================================
BACK TO BUGS

1)The Elton John Bug:
This bug is unique as it infects your comp in a peculiar way. You open a .ppt all other files with
THE SAME EXTENTION opens too!

2)The Mallika Bug:
This bug is sort of good.....to smut addicts. It downloads all the porn there is and saves it on to
your desktop. That means what Larry page (google's dad) tried to do (download the Internet)
this nifty bug does for you!.

3)The PC Bug(P. Chithambaram Bug):
Hmm.... just like it's namesake this bug is a money drainer. It takes down all your credit cards
debit cards and even visiting card numbers and then later mails the details to some part of
Tamil Nadu and the next instant your bank balance is Zilch! and coincidentally PC's bank
account is richer by your loss. How is that???

4)The Sachin Bug:
This bug is sort of useful @ times. How? I'll tell you now. It makes your comp with a 128MB
ram work like a 2TB (Tetra Bite) Ram and so on snd so forth. Then.....all of a sudden......
It slows your comp like $#!t. Your grandmother, who is bed-ridden can work faster than
your new comp.

5)The Sonia Gandhi Bug:
Not much potent damage. Just that all your english will be wiped out and now the only
language your comp will read and speak is Italian.

6)The Pam Anderson's Big.....Oops! Sorry. I mean Bug ;-) :
This bug is useful if you have Hypermetropia ( can see far things but not things near you)
This bug makes every thing in your comp look BIG. You name it.....Icons, words, letters,
what not! Boys I know what your thinking! dont upload a pic of small fish fingers and make it
look BIG

7)The Himesh Reshammiya Bug
No this bug wont ham any software at all exept for maybe files with .mp3 or .wma or .wav
sound files. OH! and it makes sound that come from your speaker sound like.....well......
Himesh Reshammiya

8)The VJ Mallya Bug:
True to its name this bug is useful when you are slaushed. This bug makes your screen look blurred and when you move your mouse left the pointer does a salsa and goes right. You press the letter 'G' on your keyboard and the letter 'H' or 'F' comes on screen

9)The Bobby Darling Bug:
This bug is there to confuse thy. All .doc files will be opened by Microsoft Powerpoint and
.ppt by Microsoft Word.

10) The VJ Kanth a.k.a Chiranjeevi Bug:
This bug is as good as the actors' It makes your comp do impossible stunts, viz:
Store 90GB in a 30GB Hard Disk Drive. etc etc etc

Q paper Leak ·`¯´·.¸¸.-> .·´¯`v´¯`·.*

2008-08-01T07:00:00.000+05:30

A Govt. officer who frequents the VØÐĶĀ ĊĦÅĪ bar gave me a Q paper here it is.

Page1

NAME:
AGE:
SEX:
SIGNATURE (RUNNING HANDWRITING)

To which a guy wrote:
Rotz
16
Every Wednesday

Page 3
The paper:

1) If the earth was flat then would it be round?
a) Yes
b) No
c) Maybe
d) I dont know, this Question is too tough!

2) What is Brown Sugar
a) The alias to a Drug called Ganja
b) White Sugar that is brown is colour
c) Look ask me questions that is for me and not some Genius
d) Pass

3) If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4 what is 11+22

a) 24
b) 33
c) 33 if it's Digits are reversed
d) Ramanujam would answer this.

4) If India was in the west and USA in the east, then which country out of these would
get the sun rays first?

a) India/USA
b) Pakistan
c) This Question is very tough.
d) What the Heck is a Sun?

5) Find the odd one out

a) 10
b) 0
c)1000
d) Whats the Question supposed to mean?

Callous Call Centers

2008-07-25T07:00:00.000+05:30

Ever wondered what happens when you call a Celeb Call center?
Read on

1)
#: 1-800-pasta
Who: Sonia Gandhi
What: She outsources food from the cafe she used to work till she met our Indian Hero.
Extension:
1- Staff Quarters (Man Mohan Singh Residence)
2- Booze Bar (The Italian Coffee)
USP: Original and fresh Italian food from India

2)
# 1-800-havoc
Who: George U U Boosh
What: A kind of Demolition Company
Extension:
1- To talk to the Chief in the work place ( Iraq)
2- To report new found oil well ( C. Rice)
USP: Military trained professionals. Response to call under a day.

3)
# 1-800-Newd
Who: Rakhi&Mallika
What: Textile Donation Non Govt. Org.
Extension:
1-Mallika
2-Rakhi
3-Cross Talk
USP: Very Very Very Generous in their Donations.

4)
# 1-800-kisandost
Who: Laloo P Yadav
What: Minister of Railways
Extention
1- Catch him on a flight
2-Catch him on a ship
3- Catch him in a car
4- Catch him walking
If you are stupid in thinking that you can catch him riding a train please hang up.

5)
# 1-800-Rich Gear
Who: Shilpa Shetty
What: Celeb Skeleton with a millimeter of layer that she calls epidermis (skin)
Extention
1- Catch her @ Aiwo
2- Catch her Jogging
3- Catch her @ Gold'sGym
4- Catch her @ her anti-diet-depression room

B'day Resolutions-II

2008-07-18T07:00:00.000+05:30

On the very special day dedicated to fools all around the world. The author spent a fortune in
order to find out what celebs had in mind, and what they called 'RESOLUTION'.
====================================================================
G U U Boosh:
1) Make Area 51 famous by keeping it a secret ( Click here to find out what wikipedia says )
2) Drown Al-Gore in his personal Swimming pool and cover the murder by blaming it on 'Global warming'
3) Complete his incomplete High-schooling
4) Go to the Vatican Church and confess his 96874125592168425187516847256842368423
45942168421483665743485 ( as of yesterday) sins.
5) Censor all the 645000+ ( and still counting) in English, Français, 日本語, Nederlands, Español, Svenska, Português, Italiano, Polski & Deutsch of wikipedia just to make sure no one thinks
he is 'bad'
6)Pay Homage to Saddam
7) Write an autobiography named 'My Tryst with truth'

Hillary Clinton
1) Make USA a part of USSR
2) Make the COO of IBM work for $1 a day and the janitor, at a salary of 50K USD ( X-PERKS)
3) Cry all the way to the White house and make Bill laugh all the way to the bank!
4) Seduce GUUBoosh in losing the next election.
5) Run 4 Prez and make BILL the boss finally
6) Make sure Obama's R-17 movie { co-starring her} is put on You-Tube to bring down his popularity
7) Use political influence to re-direct defence funds towards the Acquisitions of Pharmaceuticals

Tiger Woods
1) To visit anOpthamologist A.S.A.P.
2) To try and stop using a Magnetic Golf Ball from the next PGA Tour
3) To get 1-TO-1 Coaching from Arjun Atwal
4) To Become a Physical Education Teacher in an Indian School
5) To become a BPO employee in Accenture
6) To start subscribing to Golf Digest
7) To learn the difference between a Putter and a hockey stick.

The Olsen Twins
1) To ensure Ashley sports a scar in order to notice the difference easily
2) To stop wearing The exact dress
3) To date and marry 2 of Triplets
4) To become friends with Paris Hilton and then become Triplets.
5) To stop playing Chess
6) To start learning Bridge
7) To co-Star in a film with Johnny Depp doing a Double act!

Paris Hilton
1) To apply for a valid driving License
2) To work with VJ Mallya against Alcohol!
3) To visit Goa and Sunbathe. And if time permits..........Moonbathe
4) To Beat Britney Spears in the 'WORLDS WORST CELEBS'
5) To can all controversies
6) To ask Grandpapa to stop billing her food every time she eats at the hotel.
7) To Shoot herself for a noble cause* [ *Pun optional]

B'day Resolutions-I

2008-07-11T07:00:00.000+05:30

VJ Mallya
1) To stop touching alcohol every 31st of DEC
2) To Expand business and acquire atleast 3 Illicit Liquor Production Units
3) To Propogate the Anti-Alcohol Movement
4) To buy: IndiGo, Go Air, Jet Airways,Air India & Paramount Airways in order to think about monopoly.
5) To ask Rakhi , Mallika,Paris Hilton, Sharon stone for a few pics for the
KINGFISHER CALENDER
6) To buy any one of the Islands of the Andamans
7) To start investing for retirement benefits

RajniKanth
1) To disprove science and make sure VJ kanth is not the only guy in doing so.
2) To try and run so fast that he can spank himself from behind!
3) To read 'The Name is Rajinikanth' his autobiography ghost written by some doc!
4) To stay @ 58 or if possible come down to 30s ( NOT THE WEIGHT! HIS AGE!!)
5) To start a travel agency called 'COME-HIT-FLY' Travels
6) To start donning 'NEAR-REAL ROLES'
7) To act in a film where he is the adamant, barbarous, brutal, callous, cold, cold-blooded, cruel, cutthroat, feral, ferocious, fierce, grim, hard, hard-hearted, harsh, heartless, implacable, inexorable, inhuman, ironfisted, killer, malevolent, merciless, mortal, obdurate, pitiless,
rancorous, relentless, remorseless, revengeful, sadistic, savage, severe, stern, stony, surly, unappeasable, unfeeling, unforgiving, unmerciful, unrelenting, unsympathetic, unyielding,
vicious, vindictive ruthless villan and he kills the hero and lives happily ever after.

Ram Gopal Varma
1) To try and understand what a 'Motion Picture' is
2) To remake the undisputed RGV Ki AAG
3) To remake Saawaria
4) To write a book on Film making
5) To work with: Steven Spielberg as his asst. Director, Michael Jackson as
his Musical Director & Warner Bros as the producer in the a MEGA BUDGET
movie to ring out the real talent inside
Baby-B.
6) To start his own insurance company which provides relief to upcoming directors
7) To retire from the world of E'Tainment ASAP

Hinglish

2008-07-04T07:00:00.000+05:30

In a hotel in Ahmedabad:
It Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this
notice.

**
In a hotel lobby in Surat :
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
( Surat , the city of language obscenity)

**
In the elevator in Hotel Tex Pallazo, Surat :
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter
more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.

**
In a hotel elevator in Baroda :
Please leave your values at the front desk.

**
In a hotel in Jamnagar :
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9
and
11 A.M. daily.

**

In a hotel in Bhavanagar:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in
the bedroom, it is rekvested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
**

In a laundry in Anand:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.
**

In a heritage hotel in Junagadh:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

**

Advertisement for donkey rides (on the famous white asses) in Rann of
Kutch :
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
**

In the office of a Gynecologist in Ahmedabad:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

Top 10 ways to Indian Stardom

2008-06-27T07:00:00.000+05:30

There are only 10 Tried & Tested ways to STARDOM in INDIA

Here they are:
====================================================================
Statutary Warning: All Ideas are only ment to make you famous try all these AFTER you hire a good Lawer.
====================================================================
1) If you are slim,try this, Squeeze yourself into a 50Ft deep well that has a 20 cm radius.
Ask your kin to call the army and press.Fame Guaranteed

2) If you are good with the brush paint some Hindu Goddess 'Abstractly'.Choose from over 1 trillion Goddess

3) If you are good with the pen then start writing about 'TOUCHY TOPICS' like Premarital Sex
Gay rights . And when asked proclaim yourself to be GAY.

4) Right from 1 AD all the way to the year 9999 mug up all the dates and days so that if some one asks you what day does
12/8/2085 fall on you should say MONDAY! .

5) So you like music? Great! listin to some yesteryear classics and compose 'Remixes'
Dont forget to include rude words in the rap! Call yourself 50 pisa.

6) Play cricket? good! join the IPL or ICL or the INTERNATIONAL Team and start hitting
balls like mad! then all of a sudden when people call you LITTLE MASTER II start getting out
by giving easy catches or doing a Square Cut for some Off Spin the entire nation will watch
every TV channel that interviews you to find out the sudden change in you!.

7) Join Bollywood or Kollywood or if you like the colour blue or XXX, Tollywood. Act in films
that give you roles that enable you to touch a bad guy and make him fly! or look at some
Thug and make him die!.

8) Open some Xclusive Boutique and sell something that no one ever sells and Laugh the way to
the bank!.
P.S: Try selling Spit gum of Britney or Hankies of Rakhi or even that tissue SRK used to wipe. AHEM! Fine How about some Toilet paper used by Rajinikanth?

9) Go to some area that has protesters and join them. Take on Leadership and Fight for them.
PROTEST FOR SILLY THINGS ONLY! viz; Rights for a Donkey to enter a Manish Malhotra Showroom to buy something for itself OR PROTEST FOR CONTROVERSIAL THINGS like
the entry of BIGMAC By McDonalds To India!

10) Kill Children , Molest children of your gender, Try to smuggle your child-in-a-luggage
in any International Airport of India Get Caught.

!0 Faqts I Bet You Did Not Know About India

2008-06-20T07:00:00.000+05:30

Thats right. Proving the saying "Known is as small as a drop unknown is as deep as
bottomless beer" The author gets you 10 (!0) Facts that you never had known about
!NDI@.

1) Hockey is our National Sport. Even though EVERYONE watches Cricket,Football,
F1 or even
Golf Nobody watches Hockey other than Gill and the hockey players.

2) 90% of India is rich. 10% Own a Merc or something like that.
The rest use 'Auto' aka
autorickshaw. Only those who are rich can afford the autorickshaw's fare per Km.

3) Indian drivers are NOT DYSLEXIC. They know to sort out between LEFT & RIGHT.

4) All politicians face the prblem of 'Seizures'. That is they forget what they promised
before the elections. After they come to power.

5) India has a very low baby and youth population. This is why:
Indian houses are over protective. So is the indian Govt. they ban FTV .Censor every
film and prevent sex entering into the ears of youth. Thus when a boy grows up and
if you ask him
a) what is sex
-He says: A column in every form where you have to choose if you are a boy or girl.

b) How do parents get a baby
-He says that a White Stork (Ciconia ciconia) comes from god and gives the mother the baby when she is in the hospital.

c) Why does she go to the hospital?
-Umm.....err.......ahem......why?

6)1/2 1$ (50 cent), 2pac,Notorious B.I.G,Nas,Eminem,Tupac,Snoop Dogg and a
whole lot more not-so-famous-rappers, started small here in Punjab learning the
know-how from Daler Mehndi

7) India is 100% employed. With people having jobs like counting Dustbins [ Read VJ Kanth]. Or People who make 10000 Soaps for the small screen on the same story.
Boy meets girls loves girl wants to marry girl but parents say no to girl because girl says no
to Dowry and the story goes on for 50 Years. So the Actor Director, Producer and a
whole lot of them get paid.
Where in Unemployment?

8) We Invented Half the Junkfood Comin from the USA
Burger-Vada Pav
Pizza- Our Chapati with some +tions
scotch- Road side Tea
Cocaine- Opium
Jalapeño- South Indian Oorga ( Proun: Ooor Ga) aka Pickle

9) India is the highest Tax paying Country.Dont believe me? Look how rich our
Beaurocrats are.

10) William Shakespeare commited suicide in India, Bihar to be more precise. This was
after he asked a native how he could go to PATNA.

Ways to become an INDIAN

2008-06-13T20:30:00.001+05:30

Be a Roman When in Rome..........

Be barbaric, barbarous, boorish, brutal, coarse, crude, cruel, inhuman, lowbrow, merciless, philistine, primitive, rough, rude, uncivil, uncivilized, uncouth, uncultivated, unlcultured, unsophisticated, untamed, vicious, vulgar & wild when in India.

Want to know how?.......I'll show you know;

1) Girls wear 'Hide none show all' type and boys wear totally rad 50 cent wear.

2) The Tiger is our national animal.Poarch it!

3) Indian Traffic laws are from lala land. Red means GO & Green means Go faster

4) Study using the Indian education system. Go and Earn abroad.

5) When using 'Q's in govt services. Break Them

6) Always, when passing on news from one source to another, blowup the issue or in other
words add some of your imagination to the news.

7) When you want to buy some thing to read from a newspaper mart.
Always buy SMUT never NEWS

8) If you want to have a nice 'KICKY' drink buy a glass of tea from a road side vendor
then go and buy rum/vodka from the shop next door and throw half the hot water
( Read Tea) and fill it with the 'drink' shake or stir and ENJOY.

9) When you are in Tourist Hot Spots ( Where HOT tourist come)
You are supposed to break ice by asking them to show you around.

10) Hockey is our National Game. Never make the mistake of watching it.

At the end of it all In India Be Global.

Girls.....Girls......Engineering!

2008-06-06T07:00:00.000+05:30

CELEBRATING 400 VODKA SHOTS (400 PEOPLE VISITED VODKACHAI) THE SLAUSHED
BLOGGING BAR10DER GIVES THIS POST

These pictures were doing rounds on the web. Felt bad to leave them alone! They might not be mine but they sure are for you!

Why The Fcuk Do We Need School When.....

2008-05-30T07:00:00.001+05:30

Ever wondered what other uses a daily handy can become other than the obvious?
When I had a Screwdriver when being Screwed. I came across the idea. Thus I put it
to writing. Read on people

Blackboard:
Racism. Ever wondered how dark the new teacher to the school is? DON'T!
Just try to see how white the board is vis-a-vis the teacher.

Pencil:
When the exams are around all you have to do is learn Morse code. .--..---.----

Duster:
( a.k.a. Blackboard eraser) While the front part of sponge is used to clean the
board the rear which is made of wood is used to throw it at students.

Paper:
Hmm everyone has that first crush and 90% wont tell him/her/him/her
(repetition on purpose) Use the paper not to tell her if you like her. pluck bit by bit,
She luves me,She luves me not. She luves me.

Compass:
Use a sharpener, pencil and the infamous COMPASS, self defence rest assured.

Books: Ever played Book cricket? it's real fun or at least that's why they play it I hope.
it goes like this open the book and what ever page you get that's how many runs you score.
Once the page # is a multiple of 10 you are out. That's a very great game, mainly in
CHE classes.

Math Textbooks:
The best cricket bat made from something other than wood.

Science textbooks:
For all those Smut addicts, cheers to life.

English textbooks:
Want to sound cool with philosophical one liners? Try this.

History, Geography& Civics textbooks:
Ever wanted to feel happy that you helped trees being cutdown and being used in
creating these books, which ironically you wont be using?

Where have all the people gone?

2008-05-23T07:00:00.000+05:30

Where have people of various places gone and why? Motz, The Bar10der of Vodka Chai
tries to find out.

India: People of India have gone inside their houses to see the movie called 'Cricket'.
Yes that's right the gentleman's game now a movie. How? here it is.
Violence: The 'Shree Slap'
$ex: The Gilma Girls from around the Globe.
Usage of bad words: Umpires asking if the bowlers have the 'balls'
Hero: Harbajan
Heroine: Shreesanth
Villain: Farrok Engineer
Suspense: The play
Big Stars: P.Zinta, SRK, Akshay
The 'wannabe-west-syndrome' (where film makers copy the west) :
All those imported players.

USA: George u u boosh wants to give Dowry to his son-in-law's family. So as usual
he is on a hunting spree. No not animals but Land. So anybody does anything he
puts them in Guantanamo Bay and brings the army to seize land for the
'Just married' couple.

China: After the massive earthquake that took a toll of china's 0.00000000001 %
population people have been asked to stay indoors. Why? because that's the only
way to control population. Bad China. With narrow eyes no wonder they are
narrow minded.

Vatican: "When Thy pollute the atmosphere, the gift from the divine, thou art sinning."
The pope has spoken. Yes, so with no cars, bikes and public transport how can the citizens.
(read devoted superstitious catholics) commute?

London: The Scotland Yard one slaushed night ( when slaushed on Scotch Whisky) told the
BBC That the Al-Queda is going to bomb the Human Rights Commission building.
The Main Flaws:
1) There is no HR Comm. It's closed and the HR Council has come up.
2) The HR Coun. Building is in Geneva and not in UK as the British think.

Shangai (II) : Now you may ask me if I've lost it when I say why the world's populated city
on the road, are inside their homes, but hear me well. The Chitizens of China are through
doing it so much so that the word house makes their hair stand if not anything else :p

Iran: During an Interview G U U Boosh stated that the Iranians are a whole bunch of
Chickens. Hearing this in their left ear and the UN Health report of the bird flu outbreak
They thought staying indoors was the best idea. I don't blame them.

Germany: The land of beer which also is the home to slaushed Slovaks proved its worth
when the govt came up with the idea to get-done-with cans of unsold beer
( People take Moonshine { White Lightning} over Beer) that it organised a drink through the
bottomless beer. So there we have people, Slaushed Slovaks, Puking Polish,
High Hollandians and Gone Germans.

France: The whole idea of dubbing Brokeback Mountain in French was not a very good idea. For one reason, all the men of France took to TV and the womenfolk were well,
Desperate Housewives.

Enchanting Erudition.Girls & Chemistry

2008-05-16T07:00:00.001+05:30

When we can say Science and religion are two poles erected apart , why cant we find a similarity
in Girls and Science.

Girls in Chemistry

1) Isotopes and girls
Both have a similar & definite internal structure and similar chemical properties only their
physical properties differ.
Eg:
1) Graphite and Diamond are both isotopes of Carbon
2) Rakhi Sawanth, Mallika Sherawat and Shakira are well......... just isotopes.

2) Bonds and girls
James Bond 007 super spy has his way with girls but that's not what we are talking about here.
we are here to discuss on Monovalent bond Covalent Trivalent and Polyvalent Bonds.

Monovalent: When a girl is Over possessive about her 'man' and will not let him or rather his
shadow touch any other girl's . This is what Monovalent Bond is

Covalent: When a girl knows her 'man' is flirting with her best friend and she thinks her 'man'
wont do much harm to her or her social life. A Covalent Bond

Trivalent: A girl and her best friend are caught in a love triangle with a boy or is caught in a LT with 2 boys. A trivalent bond is formed.

Polyvalent: In order to be in a relationship to prove to her friends that she is also cool and can
go on dates with boys. But there is no real love between the two of them. Quack! Poly wants a cracker!

4) Valency:
The maximum number of girls a guy can handle at a stretch in his social orbit, is his valency.

5) Periodic Table:
The table every girl will have [ mind you this is her deeeepest and darkest secret
this table is like a planner.] As in she will put the guy who is cool,ritzy and hot in the first box.
Then her second preference, this will go all the way down to a nerd who has no time to say 'fun'

6) Properties of Metals in girls

They have a shiny luster when polished.
Any girl will make sure her father is willing to write off his property to Shanaz Hussain if she tells her the secret to 24X7 shine on the face.

They produce a sonorous sound when struck/hit.
Makes sound when struck at.
If you make her wait during a date or make her feel embarassed in public, a soft shout at a
menial 190 Decibles is rest assured.

They are hard and strong:
They may look like a 3-D figure but little do you realise the powers she holds to get things done!.

They are dense:
They are all fat, its just that what they wear is full of design that it bamboozleises the Male eye.

They make good conductors of heat.
Need I say more ? #-)

Jobless Scientists!

2008-05-09T07:00:00.000+05:30

Every dayI get the newspaper 'THE HINDU' and every day I read the last page 'Newscape'
and everyday I find some news about some bloke ( read scientist) who finds out:

1) In football Teams which wear 'Red' Jersey tend to score more vis-a-vis those which wear
yellow!
So what about Rooney or C Ronaldo or Giggs, if they start wearing yellow Jersey,
their skill will go for a '6'. Or if a team which is total under performer starts to wear a RED jersey will they Come to the TOP5? . Ok so for that PhD they got from Harvard : I infer that all football teams should have yelow Jersey in
order to win!.
Moral of the story : Yellow Yellow Dirty Fellow!

2) Mobile Phones kept in the right ear is not right!. The distance between the left ear and the cranium is the same as the right ear and the cranium. So if the mobile is kept in the right ear
we will face schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders. So for all those who brought a mobile phone thinking you can keep it in any ear beware think of it like this 2 minutes of sanity or a life
of insanity

3) Breakfast keeps teens lean! WOW SO COOL! so now if I want to stay in my 'slim' figure all
I have to do is eat:
a) 4 Pizzas with Extra Cheese
b) 2 Cheese Burgers
c) 3 Packs of fries
d) 3 Shakes
for BREAKFAST!
all you girs who are fat and those who wish to remain slim.....Note Down!

4) Scientists now Invent 'Remote Control With A Wink!'. All your i-Pods and Go-gears can now
be controlled using your eyelids. Play song blink both eyes, FFW-> wink using the right eye
Go Backward <- batter the left eye. But be warned if you go on the road and you FFW -> a song when a girl passes by you my dear friend are in trouble.

5) New research has suggested that short women may have long lives: a gene linked to living to
90 and beyond is associated with short stature in women. So if a girl wants to live a long life
once she becomes 5 foot 3 inches should she start doing weights?

6) Drinking Beer is better for the brain than wine,a study claims. So why then do people who are
slaushed on 10 'BOTTOM-LESS' GUINNESS go to their
neighbour's house and not theirs after ' The Party Of Booze ?

6 Things I Tried To Do.......

2008-05-03T15:00:00.002+05:30

Hey people sorry for the delay. Some Tech snag back at the bar. so here........
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

e-bay offered 10 things a person shoulddo before he dies at prices worth a Boomer
(The Chewing gum).
But since I do things differently I tried to do stuff 6 things before I die and trust
me I nearly died doing those 6 Things

1) After watching a Rajini film, being a die-hard 10.0 fan of his I tried to create a sand
storm by rotating my legs in various positions which would have got me a PhD for
creating new steps that is a mixture of ballet and barathanatyam,HOW DOES HE DO IT?
Anyways I failed.

2) My Girlfriend( I AM SINGLE GIRLS. Just writing for the fun of it ;-)]'s room come with
a balcony.I drank a full 1Ltr bottle and tried to climb her balconyto wish her on her b'day @ midnight All went well, but my burp after the drink woke her dad :-(

3) My school is famous for it's kind hearted corporal punishments.So one day to test their
integrity towards discipline I took my phone and I forgot to put it on silent so during my
biology class when my teacher asked me what happens during adolescence my phone
answered by singing my ringtone 'ye mera dil pyaar ka dewaana' from Don.

4) After watching Tokyo Drift I had just 1 dream....... To Drift a car. ( I know I am only 16 and
can only drive a 90cc Sunny but who cares!) So I took a SX4 and started.Drove all the way to
the East Coast Road. I was not driving, but flying SX4 Airways given the possible aerodynamics
factor and all that bullshit I could have taken off. So there I am at some 95ish KMPH and I see this perfect turn when I put my left foot on the brake when.........Out of nowhere A bull driven cart which is going so fast that at tortoise walking backward can race it, comes on the
road! WTF? cant any highway be cart free?

5) There are only 2 ways to become famous,
a) Work hard
b) Strike Oil
I tried my hands on the latter everything went well till I struck the metro water line that
went underground! Now I am working hard to stop a 1000 BHP water fountain coming
from my backyard!

6) I was driving my Bike without a proper papers on the main road. I saw a police man on the
road side. I read the wordings on his bike. Chennai City Police Is Your Friend. I stopped and
gave his Rs 500 in cash for safekeeping the next thing I knew was that I was arrested for bribery

WTF Is Globalization?

2008-04-25T07:00:00.001+05:30

Ok so you guys got to know what Global Warming is and if you lived in Chennai and you saw
those rains during 19-20-21-22 of March you might turn into an Pro Global Cooling Person!
What the heck! Why am I boring you . Read on........

1) What is Globalization
It is a unit of measurement to find out how much USA has Infiltrated into your local area

2) What will happen
Oh! nothing much the first day you will find Gummi Bears in the local shop
Then Wal*Mart will start operations in your city slowly every street will have a Wal*mart
then all of a sudden when your country is @ the 'BOOM' stage USA will send troops to the
country The USA Infantry along with State-Of-The-Art Tanks will patrol the roads while your
sky is taken care of by MIG Fighters.

3) What are the Unit of measurements
i) Antonio R. Villaraigosa: This is when your neighbourhood has 'IMPORTED' Products from
USA

ii)Arnold Schwarzenegger: No this does not mean Destruction! This just tells you that your
area has 50 Walmart stores in a 3Km radius from your home

iii) Condoleezza Rice: Ok So the USA Embassy knows more about the country than the Government itself!

iv) George W. Bush: You find Members of the USA Army sipping coffee in the local tea-shop

v) Uncle Sam: Your Country has no leaders as all of them have been sent to the gallows,
courtesy Bush under the banner of Inhuman Act Committed by them. And now your country is a proud Colony of :
The United States Of America.

4)What you can do
a) Join The Anti-Bush Squad
*(You have to wait in a 6.5 billion people strong line to get the form)

b) Buy a Nuke Missile and launch it towards the White House

c) Contact Al-Qaeda for Job Opportunities

d) Send G U U B a mail : igeorgedoubleyoubushhatemsn@hotmail.com

WTF Is Global Warming?

2008-04-18T07:00:00.002+05:30

Global warming seems to have taken a major stake on CNN and BBC .
The Banished Monarch of USA, Al Gore and Pauchari, the guy who refused a $1 billion contract to endorse Gillette, have come together to fight what they call a:
'Massive World Problem'......
What they call 'GLOBAL WARMING'

Q1) What is Global Warming:
To explain a Shakespearean play in 50 words is impossible but I will try.
When you fill a water tub full of water...... upto the brim then you jump in the water, do you
find that some water comes out and wets the floor, making it slippery?. That is the simplified version. Only during the real GW lots more of cold water will come.

Q2) What will happen:
Nothing much, since it's the ice that melts, lots of cold water will be available for free, the chill
of the water will cool the temperature of the world.

Q3) Why do people make a big fuss of it?
Al Gore, Pauchari and the whole lot basically have:
a) Sinusitis Problems
b) Acute viral nasopharyngitis a.k.a Common Cold
c) And a very weak immune system.
Thus if cold water comes to be they will catch a chill before you can actually say 'ice'

Q4) Whats the + point?
There will never be
a) Another Titanic Episode
b) Mt. Everest and a whole lot of them, will never be slippery to climb again.
c) Everyone will now be 'COOL'
d) Like I said, cold water now be aplenty
e) Sea Sickness will be a very good excuse to bunk school or office.

Q) What is the MAJOR hitch in their thesis?
They say That Air Conditioners and Refrigerators which cool rooms and food products are the
main source of GW but it is the Microwave Oven, Grill and Toaster which contribute to GW

Q6) What can we do about GW?
1) Ask your nearest Travel agent to book a round trip to the 2 Poles. They will no longer be there soon.
2) Take a ZIPLOCK bag and Chiller to store the ice as it could be worth
$ 1,000,000,000,000,000 if brought under the hammer once the ice melts.
3) Hoard Snow machines, you can sell them for a profit of 500%
after a few years.
4) Remember your first swimming class where they taught you how to float in some
auto-fellatio posture?, calling it the american floating system?Practice that 5 times a day!.
5) Watch Baywatch every single day at leat 4 episodes back to back.
6) Girls this one is for you..... start to shop for lots of beach wear, that would constitute a
whopping 99% of your wardrobe soon.

GW and D&G. [ Global Warming and Dolce and Gabbana ]
1) Show-None-Hide-All is no longer the 'IN THING' All you girls will have to keep
Rakhi Sawanth, company.
2) Ray Ban will come with 'Aviator Swimming Goggles'
3) United Colours Of Benneton will now remove BLUE from its list as that will make people
'Blue Blind' with so much of water! its not that hard to imagine!.
4) Beach wear which will make heads turn is still under Research & Development.

Enchanting Erudition.Girls & Physics

2008-04-11T07:00:00.002+05:30

It looks like the arrow of cupid has done far more damage than I had thought it did.
I have started to find love everywhere........ even in my school text books!

Girls are the center of education. Its the main reason why some students still go to school,
and this is why CBSE head [ a guy] has given free education to single girls, because if her
brother comes to know about her crush, he will butcher the boy! Wow CBSE is not focusing
on 100% litracy but 500% pyaar!

Girls in Physics:

Newton's Shakilaws of motion!

1) A physical body will remain at rest, or continue to move at a constant velocity, unless an unbalanced net force acts upon it.

What it means;
During a date, the girl will sit still and continue to stare into the boy's eyes or remain talking to
him in a specific manner till her father or someone she knows shows up.

2) The net force on a body is equal to its mass multiplied by its acceleration.

What it means;
During physical flirting ( harmless hugging and the likes)
the pressure exerted by the girl is = her weight X its acceleration a.k.a LOVE shown to her.

3) For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

What it means;
When ever you become a little generous by giving her gifts worth something or you spend
more time with her, she thinks you are becoming a slight despo for her public show of affection
( harmless hugging again!) and she exploits you or in many cases starts to withdraw from you.
So when you go away from her mutually she will be confused and start to run after you. Boys!
note that point!.

Newton's law of universal gravitation
Isaac Newton's theory of universal gravitation is a physical law describing the gravitational attraction between bodies with mass.

What it simply means:
Any HOT Guy will follow any Sexy Girl walking on any part of the universe because of the simple fact that he is attracted towards her. And oh! both of them have their unique mass ;-)

Meissner effect

The experiment demonstrated for the first time to prove the meissner effect showed that: superconductors were more than just perfect conductors and provided a uniquely defining property of the superconducting state.
They found that below the superconducting transition temperature the specimens became perfectly diamagnetic, cancelling all flux inside.

What it actually means;
Playboys ( Read super conductors) provide a unique attraction like force.
Thus over a period of time the body temperature was perfectly normal after looking at various
'hot' girls because the adrenal level subsequently came down. Thus cancelling all the romantic
feeling inside ;-)

Thermodynamics

In thermodynamics, a thermodynamic system, originally called a working substance, is defined
as that part of the universe that is under consideration. A real or imaginary boundary separates the system from the rest of the universe, which is referred to as the environment or surroundings

What it means:
When in a relationship ( Thermodynamics here) There is an imginary boundary which is created by the girl that separates the boy from all other HOT girls vis-a-vis the boundary that separates
the girl from other 'boys'. This boundary is called 'ENVIRONMENT'

Pyaar,Amour,Liebe......love, An Insight

2008-04-04T21:26:00.001+05:30

Cupid,Romeo Juliet and the entire world will take to arms, against me and I will be supported
only by the Shiv Sena and a few old guys of the BJP . But anyways as the famous saying goes:
'You will never be rejected unless you ask a girl out'
( That's my line ). I start to follow my heart as it takes me through memories and dreams,
through sorrow and smiles, rejection and proposals. All with a paper and pen.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* WARNING:
THE OPUS COMPOSITIONS ARE TO BE VIEWED WITH
PARENTS IF YOU ARE AGED BELOW 40

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girls and resources are pretty much the same!

Potential Resources /Girls:

Both which have been discovered and their possible uses, planned . Only they have to be put to use. And Girls, asked out!

Developed Resource/Girls:

Both are in use and the chance of both being conventional [ exhausted] in the near future
are high!

Stock/Girls:

Both which have the potential to satisfy huaman needs but human beings do not have the appropriate technology to access these.

Reserves/Girls:

They are subsets of stock. ie: they can be put to use with the current technology but are kept
aside to use after a current resource gets over. Similarly as an extra Girl just in case the first
one lets the string to snap!

Pyaar ka Problems

Love is to humans, what Michael Moore is to G UU Boosh.:
They are the mutual cause of hatred between themselves and G U U Boosh is the reason why people love Moore and Moore is the main reason The world likes Boosh. Only, in love Its the other way round! Mutual love Universal Hatred

A despo is nothing but a serial killer:
An 'Ex' of a girl is Mr. X of the same girl. As he finishes his job with that girl he ditches her, goes to her picture and slashes it! OK who is the next target? Only cupid can tell!

Mergers and Acquisitions are the same as dating.:
When a girl and a boy go out the boy mutually accepts to bear the loses only to hope that the
value of the merged company will make heads turn towards them and he can dominate a monopoly in the market called Society!

Coffee Shops Confuse Couples.:
Mocha [ Pronounced Mo-ka] is a nice place in Chennai it is full of Internet entrepreneurs
{ like bloggers} during the morning and couples after the sun sets. The main Flaw of Mocha is highly poor lighting. The question here is this: You go with a good looking girl to a coffee pub in order to talk smile and at least look at her 'cause that's the reason you chose her over other
girls [or so i hope!] and you don't get to have a good look at her thanks to poor lighting.
And is poor lighting a flaw or a fulfillment...........

Girls can never be matchmakers!
I know a girl who tries to do match making and she thinks she is helping her friends by trying to
build a covalent bond between two friends. Karan Johar made Kal Ho Na Ho a beautiful movie
this girl watches the movie and tries to do what SRK did only he transformed friendship to love
and she destroyed the friendship. She considers Harry potter to be the Mills and Boon of today!

Google is not a good Guru on relationship.:
Elopment of the respect she has about you is what google offers you if you google 'love'.
Love is not a word to be Googled or a word no 'e-how' or wikipedia can elaborate on. Ever
wanted to ask your father about how life was 40 years back?

Confide to none.:
Rhinderpest,Forest fires,Concorde and:News,Gossip and Secrets in Women all have one thing in common. They sure travel Fast!

Women are Diplomats.:
If you ditch a girl and date another girl, the latter will team up with your latest upgrade and turn against you, despite the fact that both are rivals for your affection.

Multi-Lingual Meyhem

2008-03-28T01:00:00.001+05:30

India,Desi,Bharat,Outsource land. 1 country with so many names, what is the fate of the
language in the country???

Lets start down south and move up.

Confused Chennai:
A place where people take others for granted. Why else would 2 friends call each other 'Machi'
(Pronounced; ma chee) and Maplai ( Pronounced Ma play) .
Machi is the short form of Machan meaning Brother in law. And Maplai, son in law.

The main reason is this.
Tamil girls are not all that gilma type ( why else would kollywood be infested with
North Indians.) so brothers knowing that their sis' will hardly fall in love with good looking
boys,their friends, thus call them brother-in law and if he minds that usage, he tells his friend that its
all in the name of true tamil friendship. So that the friend can wed his sister!.
OR VICE VERSA WHERE THE BOY IS NOT GOOD LOOKING BUT HIS FRIENDS"
SISTER IS!

Co-Brother. No this is not another word for a twin. But in chennai it means Brother-In-Law.
Why that word? very simple! knowing that chennai is now the hub of pseudo globalization they
try to coin words which will enter the Oxford by storm!.

watch this to find out how telgish has taken over
TOLLYWOOD
Ever wondered what telugu words really like check this out -CLICK HERE
OR paste this on the address bar
http://youtube.com/watch?v=zDKcevMFUCo

Ok now for
Maddening Mumbai
From the land of
" Ai dil hai mushkil jeena yahan zara hatke zara bachke , ye hai bombay meri jaan!" the best words a man can hear!
But from the same land we get:

BOSS. This word created waves in Tamil Nadu and in the hearts of Rajini fans World Wide.
It is used by 1 out of 3 people in North India to call a stranger. This is to the surprise of every tourist who wonders if India is an absolute Communist country where a diplomat looking person wearing Reid & Taylor has a boss who drives a taxi wearing a fake Nike and talking on a fake
Nokia phone that reads 'NOKEEA'. Why that doubt? thats because the diplomatic looking
person called the cab driver and asked him "Boss how much to go to Bandra?".

To Sin Or Not To Sin?......That Is The Question

2008-03-21T22:19:00.000+05:30

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Thou shall not pollute the Earth. Thou shall beware genetic manipulation. Modern times bring with them modern sins. So the Vatican has told the faithful
that they should be aware of "new" sins such as causing environmental blight.

The guidance came at the weekend when Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, the Vatican's number
two man in the sometimes murky area of sins and penance, spoke of modern evils.

The seven new deadly sins are:

1. Environmental pollution
2. Genetic manipulation
3. Accumulating excessive wealth
4. Inflicting poverty
5. Drug trafficking and consumption
6. Morally debatable experiments
7. Violation of fundamental rights of human nature

So Folks!
If you are a Christian and:

1) If you drive a car or a bike or fly a plane or smoke a cigarette or use plastic bags
YOU ARE SINNING!

2) If you work in Stem cell research and find a cure for diseases and save a quarter of the world or create a clone
YOU ARE SINNING!

3) Start saving or start investing, be it in equities, Futures and Options or Bullion or Real Estate
YOU ARE SINNING!

4) If you are a part of any developing country's government
YOU ARE SINNING!

5) If you consume Red Bull
YOU ARE SINNING!

6) If you Tattoo your left arm or Pierce your right ear
YOU ARE SINNING!

7) If you stop a person passing hate mail on National Television or Newspaper
( Freedom of speech and expression)
YOU ARE SINNING!

P.S:
The author is a pure ATHEIST and thus communalism is slim to nil in this post.

India Shining @ 440 What?

2008-03-14T11:51:00.000+05:30

India Shining @ 440 what?

Now After I got my PhD in Sociology from the best Institute that Teaches Technology and other 'Nerdy' stuff,IIT-M I am planning to pursue my higher studies and go for UNDER GRADUATION,
in the same institution in the same field. This is my research work. The topic is how India has
Developed after 1947.

India has become very 'Broad Minded'.

India has a highly broad minded Censor board. They Give 'A' certification for films like
'Love Actually' and 'American Pie' but they give 'U' certification for 'BLUE FILMS' like Saawariya

India is no longer Traditional:

India is now the HOTSPOT of World Fashion from VIBGYOR Streaks To
Hair on the END we have it all!

we worship trends.

We have Fashion Designers who design cloth for Bears

India Produces 450 Bn Movies a year.
Out of which 460 are for The USA

India is the land of Mafias

Our Politicians Do under-table activities in mid air

Celebs are Scientists in the making

SRK discovered that glass is a liquid. Poor man, after dehydrating himself to get that 6 pack
The man is seeing H2O everywhere!

F1 was invented here
We formulated the idea of F1 racing years back.
Even before Henry Ford was born

INDIA,Home to 1st CYBORG
The first Cyborg was not Kevin Warwick but

Cap'n Vijaykanth,the guy who could fly all India using a rotating stick

The BEST Photocopier is not from XEROX or Brother but from India

Photocopier of 'HOW OPEL MEHTA GOT KISSED GOT WILD AND GOT A LIFE'. A Photocopy
of: ''Sloppy Firsts," by Megan F. McCafferty

Paul Theroux of Chennai Therux ( ROADS)

2008-03-07T20:40:00.000+05:30

Paul and I share this common love for travel, but when it comes to Chennai...... Bloddy!
SINGH IS KINGH! [by Singh I me{an} Myself.]

This post is a little bit of a travelogue , Madras based.

Address Ado
Pizza Hut , Pizza Corner & Dominos. 3 major Pizza houses of Chennai with 1 factor common. They introduced the concerpt of '45 minutes or free' pizza, and took the offer back ASAP why?..... read this-

Given any street in Chennai, it will have around 52 houses on an average
[ Though practically only 40 is possible.]
this means there will be 23 houses on one side of the road. First all the houses on one side will
bear odd numbers an all houses on the other side will bear even numbers.
Then the officials of the Corporation of Chennai started to sprout some medulla oblongata inside their cranium and came up with the idea behind a very simple question; How did the numbers come to be?
The answer came from this jobless guy called Superintendent of the assistant to the secretary of
the Mayor of Chennai Corporation-Chennai district When you stand at one end of the road all the numbers to your left is odd and the numbers to the right is even. But wait! The Road Master General came with this doubt what if you go to the other side of the road and stand? [ He was nominated for the Nobel Prize for SERVICE TO MANKIND ] I wonder if Baron Haussmann thought of this when he re-designed Paris? sokay,
Thus, Numbers were changed. OLD# now went and thus came NEW# so now every postal address had 2 numbers the old one and then the NEW one so by the time the Pizza guy actually found out the correct address of the
caller and the pizza was still hot! this dude got a raise!

T. Nagar stands for Tranquillity

Early in the morning its 4:30 in T. Nagar and you face east and see if the ball of fire has risen?
No!? good?! you wear your shoes and go for your first morning walk. You go to the desolate road and hope that no drunkard comes your way. All is calm you are about to place you right toe on the main road when VRROOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM
A bus comes out of no where and goes faster than it came. You swear that you will never touch
MGM VODKA brought from a TASMAC shop again, when you realise that you are not drunk but you witness one of Chennai's many races in Chennai's hottest race circuit- Tranquillity Nagar.
90% of Buses pass this circuit and as a ritual, they race.
Then comes 9:00AM the time people
wish they never lived in T.Nagar Saravana Stores Opens for Public and It's like the shop is giving gold for free! Streets within the radius of 2Km from this WALMART of SOUTH INDIA now have
a family of 5 coming on a 2 wheeler and spending the day at this shop. This goes on till 12 mid night, you think all is over for the day but no! Happy Hours has just begun. Not For buses or bikes but for the cacophonous autos whose race timing has just started. Go to sleep else you will miss tomorrow's morning jog!

Bus Blues
It all started one very fine day when i was walking on the barren highway of Pondy Bazzar at some 5:00 AM to go to my aunt's house and when you find some 10 buses and 45 cars and 100
2 wheelers at that time , yes the road is considered barren. There is this typical race ambiance
between 2 government employees maneuvering 6 mtr X 4 Ft Buses at 60 odd KMPH to go to the
next bus stop which is 100 mts away from the last one.
(Its like the Vashi and Sonpada railway stations)
While one bus is almost there the other driver chose luck over law and went in the other side of
the median and raced the first guy!There is no one to climb the bus! ok no problem........ May be
the NEXT STOP! Vroooooooommmmmmm.......................

The V J Kanth Bus.
12B,12G&m12B
These 3 bus routes have what you and I can call Vijaykanth Buses.
These are the real road demons and undisputed racers of the roads in Chennai. Their name is obtained from the Cap'n 's real name Vijaykanth, because their actions are very much similar to his.
For instance, have you ever seen a bus tilt so much so that a person who is leaning from the foot
board has his @$$ rubbing on the road every time the bus takes a sharp left? This bus does this
and more than that.
What Vijaykanth and 12 series [bus] have in common
a) Both get full houses
b) Both are very famous
c) both have come in movies
d) They defy all the possible laws { Law of Gravity, Traffic Laws}
e) They try to out do themselves in every possible way { ONLY there is no need for that }
f) Both are old but walk and run at 90KMPH

Paul Theroux Strikes Back!

2008-02-29T15:43:00.000+05:30

I had applied for a PhD in sociology which i hope will help me better in flirting from now on.
This is my Thesis which i have submited to the profs of Indian Institute of Technology, Madras.
Hey! those guys offer every course nowadays other than what they usually did.

I had travelled a great distance, conquering all possible roads of India in order to do what
Ranbaxy claims to do and takes money from hopeful share holders.....Research!

How to find out which state a person from India is from.....
By Aparajith Motz Raman

Tamil Nadu:
This guy is supposed to come from the 'CULTURAL CAPITAL of the COUNTRY' Chennai but
he will speak all other languages, maybe even Haitian Creole but NEVER Tamil....
He will wear any type of cloth under the excuse of Fashion but never look at the traditional
'Veshti'

Kerala:
The first guy to go to the Vatican to listin to pope music and cross the road 'Zimbly' because he wanted too. You can find a well read & well dressed mallu every where in the world......OTHER THAN KERALA.

Andhra Pradesh :
A guy from AP will be distinctly outstanding vis-a-vis Manish Malhotra. He might be the very
first guy to go to a Board meeting wearing a plain yellow full sleeve andTurquoise coloured tights. Hey! don't forget those Tag Heuer aviator glasses which Chiranjeevi wore in that remake
of that 1476 film on a train moving?

Karnataka:
He is this workaholic who, when you go and say hellow and ask what his name is, will grab you
by the collar and drag you to the nearest cyber cafe and write a programe in C# , Visual Basic
and Oracle which will say 'Hi' followed by his name and then it will ask you to choose if you
want the programe to say
'Welcome to Bangalore enjoy your stay' or
'Welcome to Bengalooru.... get lost'

Maharashtra:
People of this state move around in groups of 10-20. With a printout of this article in their left
hand and a 10 foot long knife in their right, they scan eachand every person on the road and
checks if he fits in any of the given facts about people from different states. If they see a
minute similarity, well it's OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

Madhya Pradesh:
This guy eats to his hearts content and then breaks wind at regular intervels and calls it the
'Bhopal Gas Tragedy' of 2007 he is unmistaken for a Madhya Pradeshi

Gujarat:
These people fuel the life of Deccan Air. They are all attached to their families which go all the way to a 45th cousin 50th removed. They
come to airports
5 hours before the landing of the flight, convert the air port into a
temporary railway station and bring approx 10ft Dhabas carrying food that will last till they open their house again. Then again they
are the main reason why Deccan Air avoided to give Gourmet meals on air!

Punjab:
Test#1
Tell him that every 5 minutes a punjabi gets beaten up at Mohali & he is getting fed up with it!
[ WARNING! IF YOU DID NOT GET THE ABOVE JOKE PLEASE READ IT AGAIN AND
AGAIN TILL YOU DO* { * this warning not applied to Punjabies}]
Our guy will go there to give him company!

Test#2
Ask him the direction to 'The middle of No Where' and he will buy a Globe to find out where the place is

Uttar Pradesh:
A guy's hand is inside another guy's pant pocket ( rear) and when you call the Police he comes
and find out the guy is not a pick pocket but *ahem* rather inclined at 60 degrees. POOF!
he is from Uttar Pradesh

Bihar:
Land of the Desi cow. All railway lines in the country disprove mathematics by stating that
parallel lines (railway tracks) start and end here.Any person who reads english letters in Hindi is undoubtedly a Bihari

West Bengal:
Any body who calls a fish as an act of online fraud ( phish) and says marine activities ( fishing) are illegal because they are all about
phishing, is well, a
true Bengali who if eats phish then is also a vegetrarian.

I have covered only 11 states because the Profs. @ IIT M said I could submit the rest of the Thesis after I get my PhD

Quotes Misquoted

2008-02-23T21:14:00.000+05:30

Real Quotes...... Unreal situations

Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together
go to the making of genius.Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
During the Welcome address at IIT Madras

You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they
want.
Zig Ziglar
During a WAL*MART shareholders meet

I made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.
Blaise Pascal
When asked why he exeded the word limit in the 'PSBB SCHOOLS' english exam.

You love life,and we love death
Al Qaeda spokesman
When asked by Prannoy roy if Osama Bin Laden had died in a heart attack.

If music be the food of love, play on.
Shakespeare
At Zara's ( A bar) when a female singer offered the writer 'Bottom-less Beer'

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
Walt Disney
When asked what he felt about the film 'Love Actually'

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Yogi Berra
After his cars' tyres got punctured by a fork on a barren highway

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
Socrates
When asked about the free Anti-AIDS campign launched by Health Minister
Anbumani Ramdoss

Actually, I'm an overnight success. But it took twenty years.
Monty Hall
When asked why he has dark spots near his eyes.

I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he
bounces when he hits the bottom.
General George S. Patton
When asked why he wore steel Undies { Underwear}

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
When we asked him Mallika sherawat's Secret to success.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.
Victor Hugo
When asked about Elton John and David Furnish

War is not nice
Laura Bush
On her Husband's pastime

Fcuk you asshole
Arnold Schwarzenegger
When asked by a 10 yr old boy if he was Arnold Schwarzenegger

Fcuk you asshole
Arnold Schwarzenegger
When asked by a 9yr old boy on how he remembers the pronounciation his last name.

War may be fought with wepons,but they are won by men.
George S.Patton
When asked by NAASCOM why BPO employees get lesser Job opportunities vis-a-vis the employers.

I have only ever made one prayers to God, a very short one: "Oh Lord make my enemies ridiculous."And God Granted it.
Voltaire ( 1767)
After Louis XIV died leaving France deep in debt.

Soldiering, my dear madam, is the coward's art of attacking mercilessly when you are strong,
And keeping out of harm's way when you are weak. That’s the whole secret
Of successful fighting. Get your enemy at a disadvantage; and never, on any account fight him on equal terms. Thank You.
George Bernard Shaw
when asked by a press reporter to summarize 'The Art Of War' in 50 words.

"Bob can you fix this?"
George W Bush
On a tapped telephonic conversation with 'Bob The Builder' when Laura Bush found out that
he was having an affair with Condoleezza Rice

Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep
inside them -- a desire, a dream, a vision.
Muhammad Ali, American Boxer
On names he would give his new designer line of Undies.

When I step onto the court, I don't have to think about anything. If I have a problem
off the court, I find that after I play, my mind is clearer and I can come up with a better solution. It's like therapy. It relaxes me and allows me to solve problems.
Michael Jordan
On his victory in Space Jam agains the Aliens called Nerdlucks

I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
Shaquille O'Neal
On asked to comment about the rumor that he had only 1 song by
Pink Floyd on his 80GB I-pod

Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.
Martina Navratilova, American Tennis Player
On winning The French Open

When I go out on the ice, I just think about my skating. I forget it is a competition.
Katarina Witt
When asked if she was absent minded.

GR8 Inventions

2008-02-22T22:15:00.000+05:30

You have seen them, used them or even been it's parent. Now read
on about their uses

Facebook:
When 2 people are cast ashore a desolate island, they can use this to break ice and
become good friends. Applications like 'Poke' 'Fun Wall' 'Super wall' will keep them clocked up.

YouTube:
Ok! so you want to become the next Steven Spielberg or just become a famous director. No problem.... use this tool to wait in a 98456231247963674512365853697 people long 'Q' to
stardom

Orkut: Just like facebook but with that extra thrill of 'bumping' into some Al-Qaeda leader or some hacker from Brazil. All using the crap 'scrap'. Hey want to murder your Ex-Girlfriend Join orkut 1,000,000 communities will tell you how to. Exprience pays off....

i-Phone:
So great! you have this thumb and index finger with which you can scratch ( provided you have nails) on a screen using some top-secret binary finger movement and make calls and listin to music.

Limewire:
This site was created by some kid who was hell bent to make sure; music artists,software developers,movie producers and actors who charged a fortune for their 'works' did not make a single penny. psst.... also Microsoft still survives because Vista,XP and its other kids are
available for free here. All posted by Microsoft Employees.

Wikipedia:
The world has around 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 kids going to school
(10 times that dont.) and their home work will be a neat 5 page hand written project on the monstrous activites by the USA ( read Bush) .
To help the students from their misery
George uu Bush along with Jimmy Wales founded 'Wikipedia' all Anti-Bush
or Anti-USA or Pro- anything other than bush will be edited by GEORGE UU Bush.
So kids will not know that It is Al-Gore who won the elections and should sit where the innocent lamb George Bush sits. And that Bush used
malpractice to make sure he becomes Prez Of USA.

Opensource:
Started by 1 person and followed by the entire world with just 1 aim; Make Gates a pauper.
Hey! he makes anybody by his software a pauper!

Digital Camera:
This is for people who are on a non-serious relationship but still want to take photos of themselves for the sake of 'Display pictures' and albums online. So once they break up, the
photos will be out of the memory.

Micro SD cards:
For people with 1 digi cam. but more than 1 relationship

5.1 Speakers:
To help in making sure a whisper is heard at a low volume of 130 Decibels

BlackBerry Pearl:
To ensure that the holder is always close to work. How it works;
0-50 mts- Infrared
50-100 mts- Bluetooth
100-1000 mts- Wifi
1000-???? mts Quad band GSM capability

Anti Virus software:
With the invention of Internet and the discovery of Brazil, this equation holds good
Internet+Brazil*Hacker nation=free virus

80GB Mp3 Players:
Ever wonderes what a guy who owns a 10000 Sqft apartment will do with that extra space of 9999 Sqft? Buy this 80Gb Gizmo to find out

Second Life:
A drug called freedom which helps a person to do crime at the cheapest price

Skype:
Ever wanted to call your teacher a dumb old hag,For free? try Skype

Amazon.com:
Fit for twins triplets and upwards
Order 1 book end up paying for 2 and buy 2
Order 2 books end up paying for 3 and buy 3
but the best part is ,
if you dont order anything,you dont get any!
Typical Murphy's law's Personification.

X-Box 360:
To put PS2 & PS3 out of the rat race

PS3:
To put X-Box out of the world

The Boulder Again......

2008-02-21T22:19:00.014+05:30

What do different companies do with 'THE BOULDER'

CNN-IBN:
Shoot the Boulder from different perspectives and make each of them into a half hour story.
Cyrus Broach will make sure that it is given 10 minutes out of 15 in his show!.

NIIT:
How do you push a big boulder?
A IITian will say PUSH IT!
a GNIITian will say PUSH IT WITH EXTRA FORCE!!
GIVE YOURSELF THAT MUCH NEEDED EXTRA FORCE!
JOIN GNIIT!

Infosys:
Hire 9.9 Gpa students from the IIT and announce a surprise test that will deal with the
problem of making good money using the boulder

Tata Group:
Place the boulder near the city and construct a 1000Ft tall compound wall around it. Make sure the entry to this is less than Rs 5/- and Woila! Tata launches TATA TRAVELS!

Reliance Communications:
Construct a Reliance Communication stall near it and put an emotional ad that shows some
mother and son sentiment. Say that all calls made within 1 Km radius of the stone is only 0.000000000000000001 Pisa and call it ' The Cuffo Calling Contract'.

Club Mahindra Holidays:
Print a 1/2 page ad in the leading newspapers that says You offer a gratuitous Zest Holiday @ The stone on a 1st come 1st served basis if a family signs up for a life time platinum membership for a picayune Rs /-1,00,00,000

Britannia Industries:
Hire some quaint scientist and find the nutritional value of the stone. Break the stone atom by atom and incorporate these into your food. Call it Brain Boosters.
After all onlyif you Eat Healthy can you Think Better.

DLF Universal Limited:
Issue IPOs ( Initial Public Offers) worth some 3 digit Million $ and move the boulder andin it's place...............
'THECOBBLESTONE CHATEAU' Houses worth living.

Hero Cycles Ltd:
Make some Bollywood Actor climb the Boulder using 'Hero's ATB ( All Terrain Bike)

Madras Rubber Factory:
Hire Lara to come and play Choreographed Cricket. Make Lee bowl and Lara hit the ball with his
MRF bat towards the stone and make the stone burst into a million pieces and Make Sachin enter by flying a car that uses MRF tyres and driving the car so that not a single scratch is found on the car. After all with MRF tyres can you afford to take a slip?

Paramount Airways:
The Boulder takes up much space!
But on air you wont! why? No middle seats. ( did you get the joke? [never mind. Its not a joke in any which case as it is the same story , reworded the one about no middle seats])

Kingfisher Airlines:
Make: Mallika Arora Khan, Rani,Zinta,P Chopra & Ria wear Manish-Mallika.
( Designer Kerchiefs) and take pictures for the KingFisher Calender.

Microsoft:
Use it as the logo for Inventing an Old Discovey or name it after the same.

News Muse- 21/2/2008

2008-02-21T16:57:00.004+05:30

The Hindu
THURSDAY,FEBRUARY 21,2008

Dhoni,Symonds top million dollar bids.

IPL auction:Dissappointment for Ponting,Warne and Hayden;Sachin,Sourav also in million club

SYMONDS-HYDERABAD
$1,350,000.

What it actually means:
The Hyderabad team bound to lose has paid a whopping $1,350,000 to renowned trouble maker. So that their losing can be excused under Racist behaviour shown by fellow team mate
which overwrought the other team members mentally.

What does it stand for?

2008-02-21T11:33:00.009+05:30

3 letter words, four letter words & 5 letter words. What do they mean?.
Do they tell you about the product?. Read on to find out........

IIT: Institute of Incessant Torture

IIM : Institute of Inexhaustible Meyhem

TCS: Total Confusion in our Servicing

CTS: Continuous Trouble in the Service

Microsoft: Massive Intense CReation Of Stupid OFfice Tools

UB Group : Unlimited Booze Group.

Ford: Flanky Outrageous Road Demons

HSBC: Hi! Shall i Burn your Cash

Madras: [ A place full of ] MAD RAScals

Mumbai: Miserable & Useless Metro Besides Annoying Infringements

Internship Ire

2008-02-20T21:53:00.018+05:30

Ads found in the Newspapers for job seekers. Read on

Infosys:
Post: Head programmer
Job code : Flapdoodle
Minimum Qualification :Institute of Infinite Torture (IIT) : 9.9 gpa and above.
Info: No need for any programming knowledge as you wont be programming in any case.
Sound 'logical' brain required. Salary, a whopping 40k (tax will be taken away later). Salary, Failing which to reach your hands will be given in the form of Infy shares which, also fail.

Microsoft
Post: Erudite Coordinator
Job code:WTF?
Minimum Qualification:Biceps 45 cm (Triceps are an added advantage) . Good aiming skills
and if possible a decent knowledge on computers.
Info: Very responsible position and job requires you to travel a lot with a team of 50 people
and take incharge and attack any thing with the name 'SUN MICROSYSTEMS' or 'OPENSOURCE' written on it. Salary: $20k excluding perks.

ICICI:
Post: Branch Manager
Job code: Yawn!
Minimum Qualification: 10+2 pass with 20% marks in maths.
Info: Very whimsical job and must be able to keep secrets that would lead the company to
close and thus get a profit of 250 Cr. Rs. Must also be quick in terminating the branch when Boss says so. And opening it quicker.

PSBB:
Post : PGT in English/Science/Social Science
Job code : Fun
Minimum Qualification: PGT in any of the above subjects with 10-12 yrs teaching experience .
Info: Must endure the temptation to take classes, No matter how sorry you feel.Must be involved with [at the minimum] 49 out of 50 clubs and either the Golden year celebration or
school anniversary or sports day or world theatre day, or science day, or english day,
or math day ,or second language day,or Computer science day etc etc etc....

Congress
Post : Cabinet Minister
Job code: Poppycock
Minimum Qualification: 5th standard fail. Hindi - 60%+ No knowledge on politics&law
Info: Very important job and you need to pay attention, not to what people ask you to
do , but what Pastaji tells you to do. Perks only that include photo in the newspaper
everyday VVVIP treatment. Tax Exemption under the Bureaucratic Money Law. Free Car and Unlimited petrol. Free phone .
Free Thugs allowance.

Wal-Mart Stores
Post: Head Sales
Job code: 1$
Minimum Qualifications: MBA in Wal-Martism
Info: Stand at the shop door and when customer askes the price of a product choose a number between 1 and 5 and just add the word '$'

General Motors
Post: Chief head conveyor belt position # 96
Job code: Cha
Minimum Qualifications: High Diplomatic skils
Info: Come to work BANG on time @ 10am sit at the conveyor belt and make sure you talk
to your hearts' content with the chap sitting next to you. if an order comes and the conveyor belt starts moving when the metal parts come to you, just press the green button then when the sight of the car makes you puke, press the red button.Make sure The tea break for 3 hours is worth some thing. Life Should be great here!

Deccan Aviation
Post: Customer care representative
Job code:
Minimum Qualifications: IELTS Band 7-8
Info: Must Always have a smile and should be highly creative. Not in Market Strategies, but in comming up with excuses for a late departure or over booking or
late arrival. Should be willing to be hit with slippers by angry customers and willing to take
those hits with a smile because here at Deccan Aviation ' The customer is always right!'

Air India
Post:Cargo Head
Job code: 9635874
Minimum Qualification: MBA in Marketing / Finance
Info: Sit at the Cargo Bay and Make sure Cargo bound for the USA goes to Mali
and so on.

UB Group
Post : Liquor Incharge
Job code: HIC!
Minimum Qualification: Member of Alcoholic Anonymous . Or A De-Addicted Alcoholic.
Info: Keep a Hawk's eye at the various opened goods [ 4000 SqFt ] and make sure no one attempts to drink any Liquor. If found tasting alcohol or smelling of alcohol ,
You will be terminated out of service and sent to Jail !.

Kollywood- Simplified

2008-02-17T13:18:00.021+05:30

Ever been to a movie and wondered *Stuff* about
the hero or heroine dont 'Wonder on' read on........

Rajinikanth: You go to this movie and the theatre gets all packed up and starts shouting at
some 960 Decibels on the entry of this 5 feet 9 inch 58 year 'young' man and he is paired up
with some girl who will easily pass out for his daughter's age and you think thats all he can
do and you think
to leave the theatre when!............ he runs so fast that he touches the back of his head. He looks
at the bad guy and the Bad guy gets a free flight to the Sahara. Next he takes a cigar and looks
at
the tip and *POOF* there she burns! he walks on water and sleeps mid-air.
Try and guess the name,Thats right. Its Rajini.

Vijaykanth: The very first man who actually counted the number of dustbins on the roads of
Tamizh Nadu. He knows  the guy who takes Bribes and tells them how badly
the Indian economy is hit. He is also the first guy who travelled from
Kashmir To Kanyakumari on a
rotating stick. He is actually more realistic that Rajini. He makes people fly not by looking them.
He makes people fly by touching them.He is the only guy to have mugged up
the entire Book on Indian Constitution and Indian Law.He cant walk on water for nuts but better on,
he can make water walk!.He launched his own institute for curious minds who ponder on the fact
that man cant fly using a rotating stick. This institute is called Vijaykanth Institute Of Quantum
Aerodynamics. He is the Only Prof therefore the name Cap'n

Kamal Hassan: 1 Guy+ 1 Film+ 100 Getups+1000 cloths= Kamal

Dhanush: His wife is rajini's daughter. Director of Ocher Studios,
which does some crap called animation. His wife got the Nobel Prize for animation.
The reason was that she made a 2D figure
come alive on the silver screen. The name to the 2D figure is Dhanush.
His first appearence was a 900% success. He came with Cap'n and played a major role as
'THE STICK' which was used by Cap'n to fly from Kashmir to Kanyakumari.
From then on there was no looking back. He like his
Guru ( Father-IN Law),
Defied Physics and logic. He used his 2D image to beat 3D people *POW*  *WHAM* *PUNCH*
*KICK*. Needless to say He is 'THE STICK' Whoops sorry 'THE MAN', Dhanush

Vijay: Dont get fooled by his puking-looks.
Go and watch any 3 movies, if the dance steps of 2 match the hero
of those 2 movies is none  other that Vijay.

Vikram: Comes only at regular intervels. says some crap that makes sense.
Tries to change society. And pukes at Gilma .Well thats Vikram

Karunas: A Reads The Harry Potter upside down and Co-Relates the 6th Chapter with
Gynecology. And tries to flirt the mother of his Girlfriend. Unmistakable for Karunas

Namitha:This name sends adrenaline down the spine of boys and the boys turn animals at
the sight of her.  On screen she walks the ramp with what you can call a 'Handkerchief'.
If chemistry can ever exist on screen, she is a triple covalent bond. Her allotropes include
Mallika Sherawat , Rakhi Sawanth and Nayantara not to exclude Pam Anderson.

Sneha: Typical Maami of the Industry. No Kasa-musa , Silmesham or Gilma @ all!

Jyotika: Her USP is Not Coming on screen and making news with that.

Shriya: Comes and acts with son-in-laws and father-in-laws wears near nothing cloths wants to stay out of gossip wah! how we wish the earth was round!

Trisha: She obliges to act only if she is shot using a 2.5 Mega Pixel Camera



Travel Log Part ll

2008-02-16T19:18:00.036+05:30
Ever been to a place Outside India and did not know where exactly you were?. Well say no more, read this to find out.

New York: You go to a place and there are so many people to ask where you are
and none of them really care about your existance or that of theirs and each has a death-pan look on their face,You are in New York. Dont waste time in looking for the Big Apple.

Washington D.C : You go to a place and see this realllllllly huge (with a capital   'H') sign board which you cant read unless you are
flying in some jet plane &
when you ask some one on the road what that is and he says that it is
George u u boosh's latest
ANTI-TERROR ATTACK plan!
You are in Washington D.C.

Paris: You want to ask someone where you are and he or she is busy
Kissing a person of the
other sex  and is sipping some Wine almost at once ,
You are in paris.

Stockholm: You want to ask some one where you are and he or she is
kissing someone of the same sex and
when you figure out that this country
is very very liberal They give you the Nobel Prizes for Peace and the Nobel
Prize for Logic, you are in Stockholm.

Colombo: You walk on the road and you see a convoy coming and after your previous
experiences you stay-put on the road and before you can place your foot on the road,
the entire convoy goes up in flames
and the bomb squad you saw on the other side of the road sipping
Tea take their posts and start
to check every atom they get to hold of, you are in Colombo.

London: You Help a lady cross the road with the children singing
songs about them not wanting 'educayshon' in the distance. And
because you helped a lady cross the road you are called 'Sir'
You are in London.

Singapore: You go to any place and find it is made of = halves
1=Indian-Chinese
2=Chinese-Malay
3=Malay-English
4=Indian-English
5=Indian-Malay
6=Chinese-English
7=Fish-Lion
You are in Singapore.

Sydney: Quaint place. If you find a Santa dressed in beach wear
during christmas and Teenage
Girls wearing Fur coat and leather Jackets during their summer
hols' You are in Sydney.


Beijing : You go to ask some one where you are in the map and
this guy  squeezes his eyes
so-much-so that he still cant read the map, so
you ask every one on the road and
find out that
everyone suffers with the same problem and to top it all,  people who
drive cars mistake
platforms for roads and walkers who think the wide road is ment for
walking and people bump
into each other and cars crash every second,  Cant you see! You are in Beijing.

Abu Dhabi: You go to ask a woman where you are and you get
1000 whiplashes for that, you are in Abu Dhabi.

Sáo Paulo: You walk this empty road and you see that boys
girls men women anyone running with a football each towards
you and claim 'Foul' when your hand touches a boy. Take your
take your mobile phone to call anyone , only to find that it   is hacked
and some one is making a
international call to some 'Rooney', When all this happens you are in Sáo Paulo.

Karachi: Go and stand in the middle of the road and watch life around you, if the common man beats the army and the very next second this 'PERVEZ' is in Power The army guy shoots
the poor fellow, This cyclic process is an indication that you are in Karachi.

Moscow: You walk down the road and see houses having machine guns and their Kevlar
windows have this tiny hole and bags of sand is placed before the house and as you near a commercial complex, the C E O of the 'company' happenes to be the valet and the janatiorof the building happenes to have this 2000 Sq Ft room as his office and futuristic
machines to help him, You get to know that the janiator's pay is more than the CEO and that the CEO does the valet thing to gain more income,You are in Moscow

Oslo (Norway) - You get out of the hotel and find its night and wish a person on the road Good Night and he says Good Morning and later when you wish A person Good Morning he wishes you Good Night! You are in Oslo ( Norway)

Las Vegas: You walk down the road and you see this person pushing a cart full of $1 bills and thanks his 'stars' Welcome to Las Vegas.

Amsterdam: You near a Bush and you see 4 legs sticking out of it and you hear some really funny noises
and the legs get in when you see a police man nearby, you are in Amsterdam.

Edinburgh : You ask a man for directions and he points to the left and says right. And you figure out that you have to go straight to hit your destination, you are in Edinburgh.

Berlin: When you walk into the bar and you see High-Tech Machines spoon feeding
drunk people, Beer. You are in Berlin

Travel Log

2008-02-16T10:34:00.032+05:30
Ever been to a place In India and did not know where exactly you were?. Well say no more, read this to find out.

Chennai: A yellow-Black Roofed 3 Wheeler, piece of metal comes honking to you and it's owner says he can take you to your destination 1KM away for a price which is nearly 5% of Mali's ( A country in Africa) GDP You are in Chennai also known as MADRAS ( Because it is full of MAD Rascals)

Cochin : Go to the nearby hotel and order a fish dish and a Coconut dish if the fish dish smells of coconut and the coconut dish smells of fish you are in god's own country's capital, Cochin.

Bangalore: Best time to vist and find out is the night as this quaint place has 99.99% nocturnal creatures ( read bpo employees software pepl etc etc etc).
Go and ask a person if your are in Bangalore and he says no you are in
Beng-a-loo-roo and if you ask some one if you are in Beng-a-loo-roo and
he says no you are in Bangalore and  you still dont know the name of the place . Trust
me
You have proved that science is
nothing but crap, because you are in 2 places at the same time.
And yes you are in Bangalore.....NO! Beng-a-loo-roo........NO!.........

Hyderabad : You introduce yourself to a stranger and ask him where you are and he says this 6 foot long name and then says he is ready. And then he says you are in bad water (HYDRA BAD) and that you should purify yourself in the nearest temple which is 199.9 Km away by offering all your AMEX Travellers cheque To the God.
YOU ARE IN TROUBLED WATERS AND TRUE TO IT's NAME YOU
YOU ARE IN HYDERABAD.

Mumbai: You go to a person whose forehead is Stained RED
by the use of some powder and he
has
fire in his eyes and before you ask him anything , he askes you
from where you are and then
comes to know that you are a non-Maharashtrian and calls 8 Hefty thugs with weilding
motorcycle chains and 5 foot long knives and before killing you, chants some gibberish but you know he is a fan of SUPER STAR RAJINI because he keeps repeating the word 'SHIVAJI' and you slip out quickly during the
1/2 hour ritual to save your life and go to a hotel
on the road and you ask for a quick snack and he gives you a rounded square food item. You walk on the road and 2 girls follow you . Each with a names like Mallika & Rakhi
Sawant, wearing torn Kerchiefs and call it 'The New Range From Manish Malhotra'.
And while walking on the road you loose count of
Porsches , Rolls-Royce, Audis, Aston Martins,Bentleys,BMWs,Mercs,Jaguar and so on which you see. You are in MUMBAI.

Ahemedabad: You go to a well-educated-looking boy and ask him
where you are and he starts to tell you the potential of the 'Guide Market' in Ahemedabad and starts calculating the approx. Capital Investment needed to set-up a RENT-A-GUIDE service
and the possible market share needed in order to establish monopoly and calls his friends over
the phone who come faster than the speed of the echo of the word 'BUSINESS' and start
talking about the possible
market Dynamics. You are in Ahemedabad.

Delhi: You ask a person to stop on the other side of the road and you wait to cross the empty road when all of a sudden a 2KM long Convoy comes from no where and you wait for 10 minutes till
the last car goes and before you *sigh* and place the toe of your right foot on
the empty road
another convoy comes. the only difference is that this is 5KM longer than the first one
( That is because This belongs To the Ruling Party's Union Minister's 15 yr. old Son.
He has a Date with
his classmate and the other cars are tightly packed with 'Z' class Security.)
This, needless to say is followed by another convoy 6KM long and belongs to the boys' Servant.
The Servant Clutches
a rose which the little boy for got!
Damn it. Why the Hell then did his father get him that
Blackberry and Dopod?
This goes on & on & on. Finally its half past 12 in the night. you attempt to cross the road when the Police,Bomb Squard And Riot Control Unit surround you.
Following a complaint lodged by a resident of the 'Quiet' Road you were standing and holding a map. They suspect You to be a terroist. And they search
You thoroughly only to be a false alarm and by the time this is over, its 6 in the morning and the
Union minister has to go for his morning jog and you are asked to stay at a 2KM radius from him.
You are in New-Delhi

Kolkata: You ask someone for directions and he is confused and says that The Left is Right and The Left has not Left The Government and that is the Right thing to do. And other crazy stuff. You are in Kolkata.

Ranchi: You go to a place which is crowded and you see that people are breaking a persons' house and burning pictures of a man holding a cricket bat and a trophy. Another person comes running  and says that
'DHONI' has hit a 6
and thus scored a century
The same people rebuild the house they were demolishing a second ago
and garland the statue
of a man whose picture they were burning just about the same time back. When the same man comes and says "DHONI RUN OUT!" The people demolish the house they built and continue burning the picture of the very same man
they garlanded just now. And when the match is abandoned due to rain the same people construct the roof to the building they tried to demolish and sleep in the same house. You are in Ranchi

Rendezvouz With Laloo

2008-02-15T22:25:00.016+05:30

The man who gave birth to Laloonomics and is expecting to deliver it's twin a year later , has obliged to tell me how he feels about the people who make news today. I Quote him letter by letter so if there are any gramatical errors then its his fault. He makes spelling mistakes in his speech.

George Bush. Ah! G30rge uu Boosh nice man to talk p0litics w1th. I have nice nice deals with him. I own farm ( read Bihar { state in India which is the #1 in HR resource.}) he owns farm (read Texas). i give cow which gives milk. He gives me whorse that gives me Rice!

Osama Bin laden : he very much like me and my wife.
I encourage yooth to learn stone paper scisores
that is not the game kids play its the game us Adults  people teach the yooth  .
Take a stone to black mail and make people sign papers. if they refuse to sign the documents.
then take the scisores and poke them . that is my theory. Osama uses same theory.
only for other pourpose.

Paris Hilton : Bahooth Acha Ladiki . Aur Ditto May our meri pathni rabbri. Kya Kauntroversy aur buddhi. payris takes me kauntrovercy aur mey pathni sif looks our shape may. meri number 1? nahi ,2?, nahi, 3? nahi .......5....7 nahi........ah! 11 beta
ka wife matching matching .
ek din meri home 20-20 cricket team dekayngay sif shy karangay.
{ Translation: nice girl. she is an exact copy of me and my wife. She takes after me as far as far as controversy and intellect are concerned. and she takes after my wife in shape
and beauty.
. * he was confused weather to wed her with his eldest son #1 ( also the opening batsman in his home team) or the middle born ( Capt. and allrounder [ round allover] ) or the youngest son, (the pace bowler). He chose # 11.  and said they were mae 4 each other. and that if she saw
the entire team at the same time she
will fall head over heels.

Jonny Depp : Jony ek din mera house came. he was 2 years old and he wanted to learn a hindhi rhyme i was intelligent i taught him a ryme using his own name. And it goes
" jony jony
kya pitaji
    gur tum khana
      nahi pitaji
    joot boley
       nahi pitaji
      open your mouth
**** 0ff Son !^ @ B1^(#"

Jonny depp ka acting skills meri wife's sisters' neighbours' husbands' uncle's friend
Rajpal Yadav nahi beat karangay. Rajpal Yadav may not be Singh but he is King.

Pervez Musharraf : No sence of modern ulser ( read ulcer which in order to make sense shoulkd
be read as culture) kya uni4m hun? mei anti pervez wearing uniform nahi. but chaltai
yaar kya color combo? khabi lal aur khabirani mucarjee and Amitabh starrer .
lal mera naam our shirt mei and black mei blazer. bahoot acha bahoot acha. Wah! wah!.

{ translations: what a uniform? i am not anti- pervez wearing the uniform but, come on! what a colour combination! little red and black will do. Red because it is in my name and on the shirt and black for the blazers. it will be nice.

Sharukh Khan : Mera Kabinet Dost Anbumoney Ramdoss asked him not to smoke
Cigarette on the screen. i strongly agree why should SRK a celeb smoke Cigarette on screen it sends a bad message to our indian yoouth. and after seeing that: 1 boy under the age of
15 take a Cigarette to smoke every day. Smoking Cigarettes on screen should be banned. It is not our ulcer to smoke Cigarettes .
Ask him to smoke beedis. That will help the indian economy to survive. Made by indian for
indian.
how it is? mera laloonomics.

Nicolas Sarkozy: Nice fellow with pucca diplomat skillings. Bahuth acha Dost. He gave me,my name and my land honour. You know how. Every man and ladiki in kiss kiss land ( READ FRANCE) Now pisses in MY Presense ALL TOILETS THERE ...Red Toilet!!! LAL- RED LOO- TOILET. LALOO RED TOILET. MAY BAHUT ACHA FAMOUS HEY NA?

Brand New Brand Ambassadors

2008-01-03T22:27:00.001+05:30
Brand new Brand Ambassadors
1) Himmesh Reshamiya – Amruthanjan Dragon Liquid balm

2) Mallika Sherawat- Davey handkerchiefs

3) SRK- Maverick Fitness group

4) Super Star Rajinikanth- Addidas (Adhurudhu das fleet) latest running shoes “ Now you can run so fast that you can touch the back of your head!.”

5) Vijay Mallya- Public initiative to avoid drink and driving.

6) Sonia Gandhi- Pasta Fresca Da Salwartore Pvt Ltd.

7) Lallo Prasad Yadav- VETA IELTS Coaching Centre

8) Sachin Tendulkar- Essilor Opticals

9) Vijaykanth- Institute of Complex Quantum Aerodynamics

10) Sanjay Leela Bhansali- Star 3rd Party ‘Entertainment Health Insurance’

11) Deepika Padukone- KPJ lucky stones & gems

12) Salman Khan – TASMAC

13) Bipasha Basu- Man U FC

14) George W Bush- Band-Aid

15) Sanjay Dutt – Indian Police Service

16) Salman Rushdie- Shaadi.com

17) Osama Bin Laden - Facebook.com

18) M. Karunanadhi- Ray Ban

19) Karan Johar- Karan-Elton-Joy Productions

20) Karunas- The Harry Potter Series

The Chronicles Of BULBINDER SINGH

2007-12-25T11:28:00.002+05:30
INTRO: A long & broad atheist who has an orbit of stupidity around himself each day is very much fun filled and better vis-à-vis the day before. Dont try and waste time in trying to find Bulbinder. We have done that job for you.

Bulbinder playing golf

Bulbinder was about to play golf for perhaps the first time in his life and his girl friend had the courage and time to watch her man play the gentleman's game.
Our man had the clubs and the bag he hired a golf cart to make life eaiser, so off he went to the sports shop to buy 2 balls . He brought them and drove to the golf course and took the golf balls and put them in the pant pocket. He went to Hole1 and his girl came to him pointed at his pant and asked what it was."Golf balls" said Bulbinder. " oh! I'm sorry is it something like tennis elbow? asked his girl!

Bulbinder, T20& his son

Bulbinder went to see India vs.Pakistan T20 World cup Final and in all the confusion lost his son in the crowd. Bulbinder was shouting "Sachin Where are you" at the top of his voice. His son had the brains to ask a police rather than shout. the police asked sachin s/o Bulbinder "whats he like beta(son)" Sachin replied "cognac and chicks"

Bulbinder went on an adventerous Hitchhiking holiday. He left home at the crack of dawn, he wanted to miss the traffic.

Once Bulbinder was accused of assaulting a women. THe woman had however gone and complained to the police. The police rounded up all the suspects and lined them in an identity parade in the police station.
The woman was brought inside the police station where the row of men were standing. Bulbinder pointed at her and said
"Thats her!"

Once bulbinderwas woken up late at night by a phone call. so he went down to take the call and said
" hello"
"Hellow is this conemara double three double four double two double two"?
" Oh nahi sir ye hai kaunemara 33442222"
"Sorry baisaab i disturbed you at late on night"
"No no its perfectly allright! I had to come down in any case the phone was ringing."

Bulbinder walked into the bar.

Bulbinder went to a TASMAC shop (shop owned by govt) with his pal and opened2 bottles of Fosters and started to drink with his friend. The bar joint's owner came and shouted at them for
drinking from their own bottle. Bulbinder swapped the bottles and burped on the bugger's face.

Bulbinder's will stated that anyone who dances around his grave will get 20% of his total asset value as of 1 hour before his death. He added a post script stating his body to be buried in the sea.

Bulbinder's 1 liners
In Mumbai's Parel area, a man gets knocked down every 5 minutes............. and he's getting  fed up with it!

Bulbinder had brought a new SX4 and was driving it on the highway. In the opposite direction came a woman driving a maruthi 100. They eventually met in a short curve and the woman
was forced to go you on the grass due to shortage of space. So she brought down her window glass and shouted out "PIG"
Our guy was pissed of and shouted at her " f*****g bit^h". He crossed the curve and went a little forward he found a fat pig sqatting in the middle of the road.

A 2 Z Hicking all the way.....

2007-12-24T21:57:00.004+05:30
In the age of 10DS and Mixing.
'A' , no longer stands for apple but something else and
this goes all the way till Z .Check it out

A- Arrack
B- Beer
C- Cognac
D-Distillation
E- Ethanol
F- Fosters / Fling
G- Gin
H- Hiram Walker
I- Illicit Liquor
J-Johnny Walker
K-Kir
L-Lagoon Punch
M- Martini
N-Nutty Martini
O-October Screwdriver
P-Paloma
Q-Quick Fox
R- Rum
S- Sake
T- Tequila
U-Uncle Sam
V- Vodka
W-Whiskey
X- Xalapa Punch
Y-Yale Cocktail
Z-Zvodka

% Quotient

2007-12-23T22:48:00.001+05:30
Teens , Make Madras,100% Chennai

99% of all the boys will know where Good Shepard School is

1% Don't know where their own schools is

35.36% boys will know Namitha's B'day

only 2% remember their Mother's birthday

95% of girls think SRK ROX!

5% Think Danush Rulezzzz

100% girls drive without a proper Driving license

20% boys drive without a valid permit

2% drive with an invalid permit
out of which 1% are bribe friendly ( Friendly when it comes to bribing

20% of girls play squash and tennis
0.5% play cricket
0.1% play football

79.4% play boys

0.2% boys know when the next math test is

99.8% know the next movie of
a) Either stars's movie release ( We have sooo many ranging from super to ultimate to....)
b) Namitha's next flick

96.36% of walkers/joggers in the marina beach wait for the baywatch bug to bite gals

10.66% of walkers in park go there to look at the good yoga classes rest 90 are people who fake a stretch and join the club.

56% of pure tamil speakers watch Asia net or Kiran TV to get a glipse of an 20mm porn movie.

44% of pure tamil speakers watch Sun tv or the likes to learn the Madras lingo

IS THIS CHENNAI????

Books & Authors

2007-12-23T21:50:00.001+05:30
Books written by Celebs.

Tailoring Made Easy-Mallika Sherawat

Now You See Me Now You Don't- Keira Knightley

Self Medication- Mohammed Asif & Shoaib Akthar

Censored Bloodshed- George W Bush

How To Throw Tantrums And Get Things Done- Mamata Bannerjee

Tallak Tallak Tallak , A Past-time - Salman Rushdie

Buck & The Bacardi-Salman Khan

How To Fake An Injury- Sachin Tendulkar

Me vs. Everybody - Osama Bin Laden

Pasta On A Banana Leaf- Sonia Gandhi

Flying High On Kingfisher- Vijay Mallya

Catching A Super Star-Dhanush

A Boulder &

2007-12-23T17:24:00.002+05:30
HOW DIFFERENT COUNTRIES WILL DEAL WITH A BIG BOULDER

THE BOULDER AND

INDIA: CARVE PICTURES OF ANY HINDU GOD AND WORSHIP IT

USA: CLAIM IT TO BE A NEWLY DESIGNED WEPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION AND GO TO THE COUNTRY WHICH HAS THE BOULDER AND CREATE HAVOC TELL THE UN THAT YOU WILL STOP SPONSERING THEM AND THEN STATION A FEW TROOPS JUST IN CASE THEIR ECONOMY RISE........

GERMANY : IMPLEMENT TECHNOLOGY AND MAKE IT MOVE

PAKISTAN : FIGHT FOR IT IF YOU CAN'T GET IT SAY LET THEM HAVE IT AND HAVE THE WORLD CLAP FOR YOUR AFFECTION OF SYMPATHY AND THEN WRITE A BOOK ON THIS

RUSSIA : BLAST IT

CHINA : HAVE 1000 MEN STUDY THE LENGTH AND ANOTHER 1000, THE BREADTH AND YET ANOTHER 1K THE RADIUS AND THEN CLAIM TO HAVE ABOLISHED UNEMPLOYMENT AND PUT THE PERSON WHO GOES AGAINST THIS IN PRISION

ENGLAND : COME , STUDY IT TRY TO MOVE IT IF NOT POSSIBLE NAME IT ST MARY OR IN THE NAME OF ANY OTHER QUEEN

FRANCE : CONVERT THE REAR OF THE STONE INTO A HOT ROMANCE-ING SPOT ......MAKE MONEY

IRELAND :TAKE THE HELP OF THE GERMANS AND MOVE IT USE THE NEWFOUNDLAND FOR AGRICULTURE

THE SWISS : CRACK THE STONE INTO SEVERAL PIECES AND TAKE THE CIRCULAR ONES AND MAKE A WATCH OUT OF IT THEN BRAND IT '' MADE OF RARE STONES''

BRAZIL: CONVERT THE REAR OF THE STONE INTO A GOAL POST AND PLAY FOOT BALL

THE U.A.E : PUSH THE STONE IN THE NAME OF ALLAH AND DIG FOR OIL

AUSTRALIA: PUT IT IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMEWHERE AND MAKE ALL THE TOURISTS THROW A BOOMERANGFOR 10$ ( AUSTRALIAN )

SRILANKA: PALK STRAIT CAN BE FINISHED WITH THIS STONE AND THEN MAKE THE SRILANKAN CITIZENS TO PUSH THE LTTE TO TAMILNADU BY FORCE

SINGAPORE : GIVE IT A 1/2 CHINESE 1/2 INDIAN NAME AND CALL IT A NEW TOURIST ATTRACTION

JAPAN: PAINT IT METALLIC GREY INSERT 2 ARMS AND PAINT 2 EYES AND IF POSSIBLE INSERT 2 LEGS AND MAINLY INSERT A VOICE ACTIVATION CHIP WHICH HAS THE CAPACITY TO MAKE 100 RANDOM SENTENCES AND CAL IT A BREAKTHROUGH IN THE FIELD OF ROBOTICS AND NAME IT 'LI-POLIN THE ARTIFICIAL ENTERTAINER'